"Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you."

Why is it everyone thinks that when I am ill, I'm being a hypochondriac? I admit it, I sometimes get alittle paranoid by a bump here or a scratch there,.....but lately when I've been sick, I've actually been sick!

When I scratched my eye, twice, within the span of a month, everyone thought I was some freak when I said it had be bothering me for some time. In actuality, I had was is called an eye ulsar, which means that constant irritation of a spot in the eye will inevitably corrode the tissue and will create a tear.

So Saturday evening when I went to bed around 3am (after watching some moves because I was far to sick to attempt sleep) I slept pretty much until 9:30pm. (of course I got up once and awhile, to get a drink of water and continplate getting up, but that's about it).

and when I finally awoke, telling Becky how sick I was, she called me a hypochondriac. ....and then she said, of course, "just because you are paranoid does not mean they aren't out to get you".

having had Strep way too often for one person to ever have, I know what strep feels like.

So today when I couldn't get in to my dr, I saw one of her associates.

The man look like he had just graduated med school and was green to the gills. and I have to say he has the worst bedside manner,....Ever, well, atleast from my experience.

he comes in I tell him the same story, less detailed even, than I told everyone else. He looks in my ears, complains about the wax (and I do clean them! I just have weird ear wax issues) then he looked at my thought and seemed suprised that my tonsils were big. ...but that's all he did was look. He didn't check my heart beat, no "open up and say 'Ah'" None of it. I was alittle annoyed. Then he started telling me that what he suspected I had was an upper respitory infection. .....and I'm like, "Whatever dude, I know what strep feels like. This isn't some rinkeydink cold that made me sleep with my mouth open, therefore drying out my throat. No, It fuckin' hurts beyond words. (I haven't eatten what I would call soild food since saturday night,...an that was just a bowl of rice I choked down). That's right, my thoat is swollen shut to the point that I really can't swollow anything. ...Water feels like razors. ...and I've had strep before.....it has never been this bad. I've always been able to manage eating. I like to eat. I love good food (maybe more than I should) and I really can't bring myself not to indulge. (granted somedays I call all day without eating at work, but I make up for it with a big meal in the evening). But really, all I've have been eating have been soup and Ice Cream (and if I can't have yummy goodies in my icecream (like peanut butter cups. word up to ben and jerry's,)....goddamnit it will be coffee!)

Anyway, he gives me a throat culture, I think maybe just to appease and remove all doubt. He even starts telling me what I'm to do when it comes back negative!

10 minutes later he pops in the room and with the enthusiasm of a dotor telling an waiting father the sex of his new son, he says, "It's Positive!". ..I even think he said it was good, but I don't remember ..and I'm sure I just looked at him confused by his excitement. ....Really, why is it a good thing I have this icky thing. Granted, it means we can treat it properly and I can get better faster.....but way does he have to be expected about it. .....and I think I gave him a look that said all that, to which he responded, "well......I mean, it's good that you ...ya know.....didn't waste your time" (~cou-money-gh~) coming in, and that it was worth all the time and trouble. ....and all I wanted to say to him was, "Yeah,...and bite me." ...then he kept telling me how surprised he was. ..."I'm surprised, really, I'm surpised. I really thought it would come back negative." ....Well then you suck as a dotor don't you! You didn't read my symptoms or listen to my situation. Maybe if you had read your little paper that said I have had strep throat quite frequently in the past few years, you might realize, I know what strep feels like! ...and I know I'm prone to getting it. When he finally did let me get a word in I told him about that....and he acted all surprised again, and when I told him I had has scarlet fever, he was all "Wow! that's rare! that's really Not normal". .....Again, Bite Me. Mr.-all-I-can-do-is-study-and-I-have-no-understanding-of-people. Thanks for calling me a freak.

Grrrrrrr