Gee, now where do I begin.

Shortly after my last entry I woke early one morning so I could go off and have and MRI before work.

As I was sitting in the waiting room I had another seizure, once again waking up on the emergency room.

Because this was my second seizure (specificly spaced only 3 weeks apart) I was offically diagnoised with Epilepsy.

They put me on the seriously hardcore convulsive Keppra at a very high dosage. I had to miss a day of work to get over the seizure and another so I could 'get used' to the med. Seriously all I did for those 2 days was sleep.

What really sucked about that med is that it made me seriously fucking depressed. I have my ups and downs, and some times my downs can be pretty down, but I don't think I've every been as down as I was when I was on that. I was always tired, always bitchy, and almost reverted back to my not so much fun masocistic ways. I used to burn myself rather. always in the same pressure points. a couple places right around my wrist, right against the bone. and a few specific places just below my elbow. I can still feel the desire to put pressure or pain on those places as I type this. I always wonder what is so signficant about those places,...I even looked up an accupunticure chart. There were a few of them on there but it really didn't help.

Anyway, I thought about that, and I think I had a few suicidal thoughts, always thorted by the effect it would have on the people I care about. .....and really I'm so lame and selfish and self indulgent that when I have these kinds of thoughts most of the time it is to make myself feel better, remember that I have people who actually care about me and would actually be effected by something tragic happening to me.

Anyway, that med was not fun. They pushed up my appointment with my neurologist and the cut back that one and started me on another, Lamictal. And this created an instant change in my mood. almost a complete 180.

Intresting enough the last time I spoke with my neurologist (I know I'm jumping for topic to topic, having really no consecutive transitions, leaving bits and pieces out. but what can I say, it's the way my mind works.) and we discussed how the Keppra effect my mood, and how I've always had crazy PMS which became more extreme in the last few years. The main reason I went on birth control was to stablize my hormones, my moods. Anyway, he suggest that I might be a little bit bipolar. ....Which strangely makes a lot of sense. I know I'm a bit of a hypochondriat,...but I've always had rather dramatic highs and lows.....but never so sever that I believed I could be really depressed or really manic. I've always felt that I get really depressed from time to time but everyone get depressed from time to time, and I'm never down long enough to really think I have a problem with it. but the idea that I am actually a little bipolar makes a lot of sense. And as luck would have it the Lamictal is a really good drug to treat bipolar....it is works as a mood stablizer.

anyway, it is getting late and I have working in the morning. hopefully I'll be back to typing those whimsical random entries I always enjoyed.