I love how my intention to write more has evolved into once a month,...which actually is substantially better than recent years, but I do intend to be better yet.
Rather interesting that reason for this entry might, in fact, the reason for my lack of writing.
Last weekend the boyfriend and I were spontaneously to a cookout by a couple who we weren't very familiar. We had a really good time and met a number of new people, specifically the couple who invited us.
One of the points of conversation that night was ADD. A number of people there had it and were discussing the cause and effect of such a mind set. The more I heard the more self aware I became and started to realize that I was exactly like these people.
I know I have a tendency to be a hypochondriac but this time I think this really is something that is going on with me. The more I think about it the more my life makes sense!
In college I used to frequent coffee houses for the purpose of studying or book reading, or even sketching. I still do this but not as much as before.
This made perfect sense to me. I could not sit in my quiet room and get anything done. I would just fall asleep. In order to fix this problem I would watch tv or a movie. This tended to be too distracting. I would watch and not do anything at all, ...somewhere in there I would fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure I've written about this before under a different guise.
This actually started my sophomore year in college. I had this big art history test to study for and I was sitting in my room almost following asleep, not focusing, unable to study. At the time I recalled that a group of my fellow students were gathering in the library. I walked out to the library and all around it and was unable to find the group. On my way back I had a sudden surprise encounter with the guy who is maybe my biggest crush of all time. (often referred to in this diary and T) He was on his way to the local coffee house to study himself and some how I ended up accompanying him. (recall writing about this.) I didn't drink coffee at the time but the thought of joining him was sooo awesome and I needed to study for the test with someone.
I don't know how much studying we actually did. I think we did a good job. Though we both did horribly on that test. Truth be told the test was unlike any test I had ever taken. I knew (and still know) more about the information on that test than any others I took from that professor. I learned the information that I need to be successful on his tests. I had him for two semesters and I scored very highly on his tests but I still know more about the items on that first test.
We did talk a lot about art but we also talked about film and religion and comedy. I was such a great night and whether or not (which I am going to guess not) there was a romantic connect we seemed to connect and become really good friends. It was a really good time, and I have to confess it is one of the best nights of my life.
If found going to this coffee house was the best way for me to study for these types of tests. And I started drinking coffee. These tests had a lot of prep works. I also started going to help me to prepare, write, and review papers. Then I started to read books there. Now this did benefit my studying but I also wanted to possibly run into him again.
but my explanation for why this help my studying was that people only can concentrate for about an hour. After that they start to lose interest and become distracted and not absorb new information. With being in a coffee shop I could study and from time to time I would get up and get a new cup of coffee. I might talk to a barista. Often times people I knew would come in. Sometimes I would join them and others I would just talk briefly and return to my studying. This broke up my study time, made it much more interesting and exciting so I could return to my studies refreshed. The white noise also helped with this. It kept me alert. I'm curious of who is coming in or what some might be wearing or saying.
I notice now that these social needs while studying (and this long multi tiered rant finally reverting back to topic) show my symptoms of ADD.
When discussing these symptoms with these new people I mentioned that my mind works very much like a computer task bar. I know all of my running programs,...these can be tasks I need to do or thoughts in my head, thought trains, everything ties together. I know every tangent I am on and where I leave off in every train of thought. I gave this example at the party and people were taken back a bit and noted that this was a very good way to describe it.
We discuss how much we all hated the new computerized GRE exam. How we all did much better in the math section. We all seemed to be very intelligent and verbally strong. We all confess how it sometimes takes us a long time to read something. This doesn't mean that I'm not very smart, I've very good at remembering what I read it just takes me some time to read it and for my future to be determined by how fast I can read a 90 word essay. And everyone there agreed with me and had the exact same problem.
I've been looking at my life though the prospective of what else in my life supports my theory that I have ADD (other than this diary entry)
First off, I have a lot of unfinished paintings. With deadlines currently looming for specific works I've been doing much better at finishing them. I did some much work in college because of these types of dealings. Now out of school I've been having difficulty deciding which direction to pursue. I currently have 3 unfinished paintings in my house. though a month ago I had ones sitting out there that were so old and I wasn't quite sure how to finish them or if I really should finish them. There were 3 that were of a certain style that I couldn't decide if I should pursue this direction. I did finish 2 that were very close to being finish, but I do have on that is just sitting there with only a few hours of work. That was sort of why it became so intimidating. The other 2 required so much time and so much work and I couldn't decided if they were good enough, or interesting enough to demand so much attention or if I should pursue a different artist direction. But if I did go a different direction what direction will that be?
My portraits are quite popular. I've actually been contacted by a few people for portraits.
A few months ago a good friend commissioned me to do a series of paintings illustrating Grimms' fairy tales. This really excited me and I have 3 completed pieces. And actually another friend of mine contacted me a for a specific tale.
Mr. Justin Winokur contacted me to be a part of 2 shows in San Francisco, so I did have to put my Grimm's aside for a bit and finish up those. I've also been commissioned by a couple to do a portrait of them and that piece is in progress. I also hope to be apart of an art sale next fall and I have a sort of different direction I would like to take for that show. Needless to say I have a lot of art projects I need to pursue....and a number of these are started. I have to finish them.....but for some reason don't want to return to these. I spent all day sunday on a painting of The Boyfriend for the San Francisco show. It is almost finished but it is hard for me to muster up the desire to finish it. The same with the portrait for my young couple. Is frustrating that I have this time right now to paint, and what I want to do with my life is paint, and for some reason I can bring myself to actually sit down and do it! Is so frustrating for me.
Also, The amount of books that I have unfinished is frightening. I used to read only one book at a time, and some took me quite longer than others. Bri introduced me to Harry Potter and Dragonlance and I read so many of those books so fast. I was on such a fantasy kick for awhile and then I sort of tired of it an was ready to read something else. Now I'm really confused about which direction I want to read. Becky said that she often reads several books at a time and I started to do this and now I can't seem to finish very many things. I am currently reading Kim Harrison novels. The Boyfriend has bought me most of these and insists that if I had him read some many books I should read ones he suggests. I'm currently reading A Fist Full of charms"
The other day I forgot to bring this book with me when I needed a oil change so I swung by Barnes and picked up The Picture of Dorian Gray It was one of the cheaper books I found and the more I read the more excited by it I become. It is brilliantly written and very very funny.
Also with it being one of my favorite movies, Shop Girl by Steve Martin is sitting on my self. It is also brilliantly written and very enjoy able but still have not finished it,
I am also very close to finishing a number of books, I just haven't done it.
I think I've heard before that ADD is a symptom of Bi Polar which also something I have a few symptoms of. My neurologist actually referenced this and noted by my neurologist.
Anyway writing this has sort of distracted me from a number of things I need to do today that I don't want to do.
12:07 p.m. - May 20, 2008
Recent entries:
Change. - March 17, 2016
Yes, I have returned. - March 12, 2016
Me being overly analytical of Britney and Christina - July 31, 2008
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Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. - July 24, 2008
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