Zimmarss
March 30, 2003 3:35 p.m.

B was totally in his element, lots of free liquor and the ablity to get his groove on in a place where there are other people who want to do the same thing. He was a big tease and loved every minute of it. And everyone wanted him except me.

I had to go somewhere for most of the night and I wasn't able to start looking for the bar until 12:30, it took me an hour to get to find the place! but when I got there b paid my cover and I pretty much got free drinks because the bartender's best friend was one of the chicks that brought us.

So I went up stairs to check out the dancing area of the place and chugged my margarita that was much straight tequila because I can't dance when I'm sober. I mean...I can't dance period...but I don't care so much when I'm intoxicated. So I loosed up and rocked out and had a great time. I've been watching alot of Coyote ugly latey, so I was kinda trying out some of there moves. I got into this this of thing of throwing my head around and flipping my hair and the like, and that was lots of fun. Then the last song of the night was NIN Closer and with that I just completely rocked out and stopped caring at all what anyone thought.

Later on I found out that one of my Lesbian friends was sitting back just watching B and I dance (note: not together) (B even pole danced for awhile, my friends said he should be a stripper) She told me that I was very sexy when I danced, I was very flattered. apparently my friend Angie just stood back and watch us dance as well.

Later on B and I ended up talking about stuff. He told them how beautiful my friends' realation ship is and how they have such unconditional love for one another, and he said that that's what he wants and were he to find that he wouldn't want to give that up and he wouldn't care who it came from, male or female.

I couldn't help but think that I do love him unconditionally, I do, but I have not lust for him. I have no sexual desire for him at all and I cannot be with someone I don't have sexual desire for. I have to want to do all sorts of nasty dirty things to my husband ...because I want to do all sorts of dirty nasty things.....and since I will only do that with my husband.....

I also explained to him why I was so emotionally effected by The Hours. ..I told him that I thought that he as Ed harris....actually a mix between Nicole and harris.... he seems surprised that I said that because he felt the same way.

Ugh I'm so confused right now. I think I'm gonna take a shower and get some coffee and do some homework before dinner, cause I won't want to do it afterwards.