Like, the idea of fully trusting another person, feeling safe, not worring about what they might say to you, or what you'll say to them, fully understanding that silence is not only good, but more than good. existance without fear, or worry. nothing awkward, knowing all insecurites and full acceptance of them...

it's so beautiful.

I've noticed lately that because my relationships with my closest friends have become so increasingly intimate that I've having trouble making new friends. All the bs and dance and armor and defenses,....that just seem to be too much work that I don't feel like investing right now.

Not that I really need to lose weight, but B has gotten into this thing of thinking he's fat (which I don't think he is. granted he has put on alittle weight,..but definately not fat), so he's been obbcessivly exercising all week. I swear he's going to kill himself. He's being doing a crap load of biking (12 miles today only), running, and doing yoga. He's decided that he doesn't want to just lose weight, he wants to do the beefcake thing. I hate the beefcake thing, but eh,...I don't have to like it...not my body.

..Oh right, Yoga! see, there is things set of positions right? and one needs to go though them a few times, I'm opting for 5 because that is the traditional yoga thing...5 sets are followed by meditation.....which I had never really done before. B took me though it, it was really nice, very relaxing.

He then started telling me that it is meditation which leads to being able to have controlled out of body experiences.

So...last night when I was doing this I decides to try it, ...I had a brief one. Granted it's really effing hard because you have to clear your mind of all thoughts I mean entirely, and you know me, I ways have atleast 9 thought chains in my head at all times. B told me that he actually keeps his mind clear at all times, which is in turn what keeps his psyhic ablities sharp. And always why he's good at puzzles and making decisions and other things because his mind isn't tired when he has to think of something.

So yeah, I did the out of body experience thing, I got up, grabbed my purse, left my house, and drove around my block, and sat back down. I was serioiusly exhausted afterwards...

But then for a period of maybe an hour I tried really hard to keep my mind clear.

when I took my shower I refused to let myself fall into my shower routine, I took the shower like it was the first shower I had ever taken in my life. I took the time to feel the hot water...like really feel it, the smoothness, the wetness..and what hot or warm really felt like. as well as feeling the cold plasic bottles in my hand,..really feeling them, and the smooth yet stickly feel of the soap, and the roughness of the louffa, as well as looking closely at the bubbles, and the way the water fell and collected and the rings it made and the patterns it made, so absolutely beautiful.

But I had to stain so hard to keep my mind clear that it made me absolutely exhausted.