elaboration on change
March 25, 2004 12:00 a.m.

Remember back when I wanted to call Jeff and wrote that entry about it?

Well....I finished writing that entry, cleaned my apt. and called him.

Why did I do it? Several Reasons.

First off, it was something I had to decide to do myself. I couldn't ask anyone what they thought I should do because,...besides knowing what they would say (telling me not to) everyone has the own opinions based on their own experience. Sooner or later I need to just grow up and make a fucking decision on my own instead of calling someone and having them spend an hour convincing me to do something.

Secondly. after I cleaned I was just sitting there with the phone in my hand trying to decide if I should call or not. And I tried every decision making device from Tarot cards to flipping a coin, never being satisfied with the response (good or bad) ...finally I decided that instead of continuing to tear myself up over it for the rest of the night, I could simply make the fucking phone call.

When I called .....I called to applogize for my behavior, which he accepted,...and to get the phone number for this one chick that dated a friend of his. The chick is really cool and she and I hit it off really well. She leaves in town...I figured I could call her and see if she wants to hang out some time.

The call was very short.

He seemed happy. but I don't think it was because he was talking to me. I think he was happy regardless...and actually didn't want to talk to me because he really didn't have much to say. I asked him if he was well...and he said yes.....he asked me the same and I told him I was doing alright.

And now thanks to his caller id, he has my number.

He hasn't called. ....though I think I want him to, I don't really expect im to actually do it.

Wow...so after typing that I think I can bring myself to type the next thing.

I got layed off yesterday.

I think I'm still in denial about the whole thing, hasn't really sunk in yet. ..Though I've had my co-workers call and tell me that they didn't know that was going to happen and they are trying to find a way to get me back.

I was layed off not because of anything I had done or not done, simply because the agency had lost several big accounts and could no longer afford me on the payroll.

I am trying to have faith and I keep telling myself that it's not what I'm supposed to do...and would be leaving there eventually so...why not now. So well see how this next month goes (I'm getting 2 more pay checks) and the whole job search thing, but I'm really bad at that. but now I have more experience under my belt....so...

And plus I'm an artist. ....I think all I want is a job at the new blockbuster that's opening up ...and trying and get art shows. I mean...I'm an artist and a movie dork...sounds great to me.

Oh and I've seen a million and 1 movies recently,....there will be reviews in the near future...oh yes there will.