Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

What a Year for a New Year
December 26, 2003 2:15 a.m.

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1.What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
A. Had several intimate experences with a boy, including a kiss.
B. Graduated College
C. Moved out on my own.
D. Got a full time salary paying job. including benifits.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Eh, I always say that next year I hope to have someone to kiss at midnight. I guess I got alittle closer this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Well, B and C's sister gave birth again, but she does that every year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
None this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Sustained Happiness.

7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1. June 6: First Kiss
2. July 2, my Birthday, I came home from celebrating and found a message from Jeff on my machine telling me he wasn't available for the fourth and if I had plans I should go ahead with them and that he would talk to me more the next time he saw me. *Note: that was the last time he spoke more than one word to me.
3. May 10: Graduation.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I had alot of big achievments this year. Graduating College was a big one. Taking part in a professional show. Getting my sculpture put out on campus. All of those are big.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't think I did fail at anything this year. Every area where I lacked success was beyond my control.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was ill alot this year, from Strep throat, to the flu, to the long whatever illness I had last summer and fall, to the yeast infection I had for about 2 weeks, to hangovers, this was not one of my better feeling years.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
1. The Two Towers Extended Version
2. Graham Hancock's Finger-Prints of the Gods.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Is it wrong of me to say my own? I did a lot of good things this year.
Peter Jackson.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jeff and George W. Bush

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas, Bills, Movies, Shoes, Cds, Books, Food, Friends, Fun.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Return of the King, Jeff, Harry Potter (book and movie).

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2003?
1. "Fragile Heart" Jewel
2. "Walk Away" Christina Aguliera
3."We Were So Sure We Would Change The World" Andrew Osenga
4. "Dirrty" Christina Aguliera
5. "2 Find U" Jewel
6. "Drive You Home" Garbage
7. "Cup of Coffee" Garbage
8. "Hello" Evanescence
9. "Horses in the City" Nina Gordon
10 "The End of the World" Nina Gordon

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i happier or sadder?
I think sadder. There was alot of hurt this year. There was joy too, but so much hurt.
ii. thinner or fatter?
About the same iii. richer or poorer?
Well, I have more money in my bank account, and more coming in. I've gained in alot of experience and knowledge, but at the same time I lost so much that was special and valuable to me....it's really a hard call.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Nothing. I have no regrets. I think I used my time the best way I knew how.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Logic Outlines.

20. Did you fall in love in 2003?
I think I have to say no, but the closest to which I have ever felt.

21. How many one-night stands?
Um.....riiiight.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Still Six Feet Under and Sex and the City. Queer as Folk was added

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word. I don't think I hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?
I read some good books this year. Finger-Prints of the Gods, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Dragons of a Vanished Moon.

25. What was your greatest musical discoveries?
The White Stripes, Belle and Sebastian, Evanesence.

25. What did you want and get?
Wow, I don't know if I can some up how I feel about that in brief. I've wanted for so long to have the type of relationship I thought I had with Jeff, and I got that briefly and lost it. What I really wanted was to maintain that, looking back on that situation that was not what I wanted. I would say that I got a nice boy and was able to kiss him....but Jeff wasn't a nice guy was he?

26. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
The Return of the King, X2, The Two Towers Extended Version. Secretary., 25 Hour

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
23, Went out drinking and dancing.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Still having Jeff. Not only would I still have that dynamic, but also I would have another group of friends to associate with (that I pretty much lost now) and I would most likely have a studio right now.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Glam meets Emo with a bit of Goth thrown in. ....And now a bit more adult because I have to buy clothes that can fuction for both work and play.

30. What kept you sane?
Friends. Art. Wine. Film. Poe's "Haunted" album, Harry Potter and Dragonlance. Diaryland.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Viggo Mortensen, Elijah Wood. Mainly Viggo, way too much for my own good.

31. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Patriot Act. And Bush lying straight faced to the American People.

32. Who did you miss?
B., Jeff, Travis.

32. Who was the best new person you met?
Paul, I've actually be really missing him lately but I don't have a clue how to get in contact with him.

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
God helps those who help themselves.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Dan Wilson's "What a year for a New Year" found on Maybe This Christmas"

What a Year for a new year.
We need it like we needed life I guess
Last year left us lying in a mess.
What a year for a new year.
What a night for a sunrise.
And we thought the dark would never end.
Reachin' out trying to find a friend
What a night for a sunrise, sunrise
What a day for a new day and our star shines like a miracle
And our world is almost beautiful again
What a day for a new day, new day, new year
What a year for a New Year
What a year for a New Year
What a year for a New year.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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