Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Venting.
August 02, 2002 2:23 p.m.

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Okay, so I swear it is times like these that convince me that I am the butt of sadistical cosmic joke.

B is convinced that he has testicular cancer and will have to have one of them removed. It is something that had be bothering him for awhile, but he hasn't been able to do anything about it. He recently had his Uncle-in-law whom he is very close with, and also a nurse, examine him, and his uncle wanted him to go to a hospital immedately.

However, the problem is that because he dropped out and took last semester off he was dropped from his parents medical insurance because he was no longer a full time student. Therefore, at this point in time he doesn't have the money to go to the hospital, let alone have something removed. He is unsure if he is going back to school next semester, but I think that this turn of events will convince him to do so. But, that is still a few weeks away, and more time he has to wait before getting treatment. And the thing is, ....he's not worried about any of this! I mean, when he talks about it he is entirely noncholate about it!

Oh, and I didn't get the Hot Topic job. bastards. The manager told me that he didn't end up hiring as many people as he thought he would, but I would be 'first on the list' when he needs people for christmas. .....riiight. So,this means I have to start the job search thing all over again. This also means that I will be going back to my parents house until time for classes to start, and working in my mom's office doing their news letter. I don't really want to do this but,...it's easily and they pay well. And I get to watch my shows which are on cable (Sex and the City and Big Brother 3, yes I am that pathetic).

I in fact drove around in the effing hot heat (why? because the air conditioning in my car which I paid $250 to get fix died 3 days after getting it fix and I have to take it back in when I go home) for atleast 20 minutes before I came here, trying to find Time Warner so I could get cable (I finally decided I wanted it) and I got there to find that the place is closed for remodeling.

Part of me wants to go to the pool and swim so I can cool down and relax, but I just dyed my hair last night (Chocolate cherry, it looks gorgeous) and giving that my hair doesn't hold dye well anyway, I think the last thing I need to do is submerge it in chemicals the day after I did it.

Anyway, I've finished venting and I'm going to write an entry about something else.

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