Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Unoffical BFA opening
April 12, 2003 3:34 a.m.

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My Unofficial BFA show opened tonight.

I had a good number of friends come to the show.

I sold a piece to my friends Nick and Danielle. This was a drawing not in the show, but rather a dyptic I did of them last summer,...sold it to them for dirt cheap...but what am I doing with it? It's just collecting dust in my studio, and they love it, and I want them to have it, and they're also broke actors. So since they modeled for my drawing which was a class assignment and it is on cardboard, I sold it to them for $30.

Anyway, I should be happy, I should be extatic, but I'm not. ...I don't know what I expected,...maybe for the clouds to part and the sky open up and the whole night would be bathed in this Heavanly light, which didn't happen. It just seemed so anti-climatic for my whole college career. So many of my friends were either ill tonight or had to work, so no one was really around to go out afterwards...but the truth of the matter was that I hadn't had much sleep all week so I was completely exhausted at 10pm so I was not up for going out, I didn't want to go to bed, but I was so tired I couldn't do anything. ...But since I've spent the whole week going on blocks of 4 hours or less of sleep so...I went to bed at 11 and woke up wide awake at 3.

Oh well, I think I'll go back to bed and try to get some sleep since I have to get up in 12 hours. I have to pick B up from work tomorrow and then he's going to make Beef Burgandy and then we're gonna watch Pocession, and/or Phone Booth, which I really don't want to see, but B wants to see it and I'm such a movie addict that I generally will go see movies with him which I normally wouldn't go see. Things like Fear dot com or the God awful When Darkness Falls. Although....he had to drag me kicking and screaming to see The Ring which absolutely scared the shit out of me.

Anyway, back to bed I go.

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