Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

rereads
August 31, 2003 3:30a.m.

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So I've been rereading some old entries and I found once that are worth another read.

My censorship paper. (damn I'm good!)

"So who is it exactly that is vulnerable? Is it the young and impressionable youths? Is it the convicted sex offender who might relapse upon the viewing of such material? Or is it the upper class middle-aged man who has certain fantasias which he is unable to share with his wife? Maybe Gore means all of these people, maybe none, the truth is her statement is so vague that realm of applicable subjects is so board that it could be anyone or anything."

Geeky Art Dorks

holding strong opinions on things you know nothing about is BAD!

Note: I had this dream the night before the last time I spoke to T. If you note from the cenorship paper entry (there are 2 t entries that explain the last time I spoke to him)....that's the same date as this dream.....AND I found out from Pryce that he cut his hair all off (like the end of the dream) ...some freaky shit!

Finally kicked in the ass.
August 31, 2003 2:10 a.m.

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So I think it was a good thing that I hung out with friends yesterday and today. I think that's just what I needed to kick me in the ass.

I've spent the past 2 weeks depressed and unmotived, but after spending time with 3 friends who are students...one working multiple jobs...the other 2 in the military (fat cash) and then 2 other grads with decent or good jobs in their majors ...one of which is convinced I'm going to fail ......and feeling guilty about spending money, or having them pay for me.....made me feel really bad.

I mean...I've known there's alot of things I need to do....but I've just been so overwelmed (call me lame) with self-pity that I just haven't really been motived to do any of it. My imsomnic/hypersonic pattern returned with avengance (check out the times of my entries as of late) I spend my days sleeping and my nights doing the diaryland thing ...My room is only half way unpacked (if that) and I haven't made a real attempt to find a job. ...But that stops today. gonna get focused and motivated again...and we all know the things I accomplish when I'm motivated (hello, solo show full of work depicting Dante's Inferno as done over the course of a year from my soph./jr. years. ...how many undergrads attempt a series of works based on the inferno.....I can be an ambitious little bitch. ...I've often wondered if which Hogwarts house I would be in....I'm thinking Hufflepuff because I'm hardworking and loyal.....but I dunno...I am ambitious as hell....Sytherian?).

Yeah, so I'm going to spend tonight unpacking, and the tomorrow get my resume already to send out. This unemployed shit is starting to suck my left nut.

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Zeldman

Otep

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