Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

wow....good to know.
January 23, 2003 10:49 p.m.

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Trish, Trish The Dish.
January 23, 2003 9:33 p.m.

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So I emailed one my former professors (the one I absolutely love) and told her that I was meeting with the Rose Hulman curator. She told me that he had actually told her already and that I shouldn't be nervous because he apparently "he really likes your work a lot".

Yea!! Don't want to get my hopes up.

Oh...and I'm rather pissed at B right now. This might be because I'm a jealous girl...but I don't think so.

See there is this girl that he is friends with and I have been able to tell for awhile that she has a thing for him. And this doesn't bother me because everyone has a thing for him. ...And he's been spending alot of time with her laterly ...which doesn't bother me...I know (because he has told me) that he goes though phases where he is obbcessed with a certain friend and he'll spend alot of time with just that person...so I'm used to it. ...but I've come to decided that I really dislike this girl. She seems really stuck up to me. The only times I see her is when I'm a round him,...and she never looks at me or speaks with me unless I find some way to force her into conversing with me. plus she seems overly neat and clean and ...just way to girlie for her own good.

I think that's part of her dislike for me. ...See...I have a very distict personal style,...one I am very proud of. as I've said before it's a mix between emo and glam. ...I'm what would happen if Emo and glam had a kid and both had alittle goth somewhere in their family tree. I wear jeans almost daily with some sort of thread bare old t-shirt. (today it's an old girl scout earth day t-shirt...one I got in elemetery school). And I usually where some type of sweater (today it's a hot pink little sweater with a snakeskin print. Don't ask me how they got a snake skin print on a sweater). I also wear alot of dark I make up. ..And I wear alot of accessories. (today hot pink with various printing on them bracelet and blue dangley earings.) My accessories is where I like to have fun. I like whereing things that you're not supposed to where with a t-shirt. I have a very coo necklace that I like to wear. I couldn't find an exact picture of it but...it somewhat resembles this one Only mine is a 3 layer coller that has black oval 'bead' with silver settings and there are just rows of these and the dangle. ....I usually wear this with a t-shirt and my black and silver belt..almost daily. I love it...and I can pull it off. I wear all these weird things and I can pull them off. Alot of times I wear things because I have a sense of humor and I'm in on the joke. ...I find hot pink bangle braceletts insanely funny! I love the color hot pink (don't know if you can tell by my diary lay out) but I love it. I love how everyone hates it. I love how it is so un-suttle. I love just everything about it.....especially it's humor...how funny this god damn color is!!! I don't think she gets the humor. I don't think she even has a sense of humor.

Anyway...my point is that I think she see my dressing this way as a means to steriotype me and think I'm an idiot. I'm not an idiot.I am a very successful artist....but I'm not constantly pointing this out to her. I have a pretty good singing voice...but again, it's not something I feel the need to mention. ..And I have a pretty decent intellect.

That's the thing. I am secure in my ablities and my skills and my talents and whatever the hell you want to call them...and I do have the constant need to tell everyone about them all them all the time. (and contray to how this might seem) I'm really a very humble person. I don't know how to react when people give me compliments. I mean....here is a guy making a specific appointment to come out to my studio...and I'm worried he's going to say I suck.

anyway...I dislike this chick ..and it turns out tonight that when C and told me that the 3 of use (me her b) were going to n. carolina for spring break.....he was just planning on going with her....the chick we don't like. He was going to get HER to drive him. ...When C was thinking she was driving him.

And he's going to see relatives? Why the hell didn't he think C would want to go? ...And their relatives absolutely love me. Their sister n law wants to adopt me....she wants to see me whenever she can.....and I'm conviced that Jen is going to absolutely hate this chick! ....I wish I could figure out what the hell he was thinking.

If C and I go (and if she is still going) we are planning on taking a seperate car. We are NOT spending 12 hours in the car with her. I swear I would kill her. It was bad enough that I had to sit next to her in the movie theater for 2 hours.

Anyway...I've ranted on this subject for long enough.

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