Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Thinking could be the opposite of existing
2001-06-25 9:15 a.m.

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Okay,...so I was reading earlier in Fuck-Reality's diary and she was asking the aga old question,..

"I think, therefore I am, so what happens when I stop thinking?"

So...being a thinker, and an analyzer...This got the wheels in my head turning. Actually, I think it's kinda the opposite. Last night I posted some quotes from 6ft Under...The one "atleast I don't analyze every emotion I have until I have removed all the joy from my life." applied to me. That is what I do. See,..I think ALL the time. Constantly thinking...there are atleast 3-4 thoughts floating around in my brain at all times. I analzye everything. I work situations out in every way possible...analyze film, people everything....even why I feel a certain way. And I will completely disassociate myself from that feeling to the point where I don't feel. One of my friends yells at me for this all the time. By thinking...I'm not living. Not experiancing life. In fact when I get alittle toasted...atlittle tipsy,..it doesn't take much...I can't think! My internal monologue is gone. I can't think what I'm saying before I say it...and when I'm not talking there is absolutely nothing in my head! and I will complain about how annoying it is and how I won't be able to think,...and my friend will respond, "this is how everyone else feels all the time. Now take this time to actually feel, react and experiance instead of thinking."

Thus...thinking could be the opposite of existing.

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