Ah, the hours.
August 24, 2003 5:00 a.m.

I wrote about The Hours?

I have a tendency to talk out my ass a great deal in this diary...making all these speculations, but hey it's my diary, I'm allowed. The surprise is when it comes out that I'm right. Or at least I think I am.

I know I talk out my ass about my relationship with B. I know how I say we have this wonderful intimate relationship , but again that's just speculation...my observation of behavior and what little I know of him. The thing is there are a number of people that can reference him as their best friend (getting corny and middle school) But, to this day, I have no idea who he values the most. ....I know he had a special and unique relationship with the girl he was secretly engagged to. (he's only recently been telling me more about that situation).

Anyway.....I wrote about The Hours. B told me the other night that he can't watch it without thinking of me. ....How Meyrl Streep is me. ...The tone in which he said this....the soft tone.......the subtext (as my theater friends would say) would indicate that he feels the same way about that film as I do. and that my perception that the meryl streep/ed harris relationship is comparable to his and my relationship. That gives me a really nice, really deep feeling. An intimate, quiet emotive feeling.

Yeah, last night was a good Raven/B night. ....We all went out with some peeps to a bar. ....The Raven girl got really depressed over the Jeff situation, and someone just telling me we weren't going dancing after all made me recluse to the restroom and cry for awhile. (I just cry at the drop of a hat these days) .....right after this B and I ended up getting a ride back to his place (I was staying in his 'guess room' (computer room with a bed) since I no longer have bed of my own in that town). He was having a major hypo attack (the boy drank way too freaking much and when this happens all he wants to do is go and fall down into his bed) ...this was way we had to leave. ....All I was wanting to do was let him go to his room and sleep, while I curled up in the guest bed and cried myself to sleep. But....he saw this....I wasn't doing to well at hiding the tears at this point (choked them back the whole way back from the bar) So he ended up sitting in the computer room, in the dark, listening to me, trying to make me feel better and eventually fell asleep with his head on the edge of the bed (the mattress sits right on the floor)...... His way of making me feel better about the Jeff situation is to point out how many disfuntional relationships, how no one I know is or has been in a 'normal' sucessful relationship. (actually I know 2....both couples go married this summer....oober christians). How no one has it good, especially their first time out, and how I shouldn't get discourages...how their are nice people out there.. (My being upset over how if someone who seemed to be as good, honest, gentlemanly, and honorable as Jeff could do something like this which seems so cowardly and dishonorable ....what does that say about the rest of the world ....am I becoming Jaded?)