nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

My surprised trip.
May 20, 2002 1:30 pm


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Okay, so check out the day I just had.

the other day I decided that for some reason I was in the mood to watch French Kiss, yes one of those Meg Ryan chick flicks. Yeah for some reason I thought that that would be something good for me too do. ....as as I was watching it today I was using obcenities quite a lot. "Fuck" was often uttered in long strings. And I even said 'fuck you' directly too the tv. ...It's in a part where Kevin Kline is telling Meg Ryan about how she is going to eventually forget about her guy. He's like, first you'll forget this, then you'll forget that, and then you'll struggle to remember the exact color of his eyes. ....that whole part got the loud resounding 'fuck you' from the me sitting on the couch.

Yeah, I was sitting there cursing myself for getting two chick flicks (FK and Coyotte Ugly)(I did get one guy movie "the way of the gun' which I haven't watch yet, but I will when I get home....................

Yes...that leads me to where I am now. See the whole French Kiss/T thing sent me into a fit of depression where I decided that I had to do something, I decided to drive. I decided to explore areas of the town that I'm not very familar with for future reference. ..and in doing so I discovered that I was on the road to Bloomington which is where one of my good friends lives. And then I started thinking that she was the one who got me hooked on x-files and had the bright idea to drive down to see her and watch the finale with her. So I called home to get my parents to call her parents so I could get her number (I didn't have it on me) so I get her number and call it, and her housemate tells me that she went home for the weekend...... so I called my parents again, got the number for her parents, and talked to her dad and found that that she left for home 45min ago. Now...it's about an hour drive to bloomington, so I was sure that I would be there just as she got there.

But...I got lost. Apparently the road I was on didn't go to Bloomington. So I called my parents and they gave me directions on how to get back on track. ...I was WAY out of the way. So then, when I finally got to Bloomington I was circling downtown forever trying to find something reconnizeable so I could call and ask my friend where to go. Finally I was just so effing lost I gave up and called her anyway. She was able to give me significant directions...however my phone battery died just as she was explaining which apt. was hers in the complex (where they are effing look the same!) So, I circled that place for awhile, I decided my best bet would be to look for her car, and I did find it. And right as I did so, she popped out and waved to me. She said that they saw me come in. I found that incredibly funny.

Oh, and apparently x-files was 2 hours, so it started at 8 instead of the 9 was thinking, but she was taping it and was planning on watching at 10, which worked well because I arrived to her house right around 9. ...that made drive like 3 hours, as opposed to one.

Insanity.

Yeah, so since it was so late by the time we finished watching xf, she suggested that I stay the night (that's right...when I left my place I was just driving around town, so I didn't bring anything for a short trip.)

so...staying here tonight, and finding my way back in the morning,....but I have a good set of directions under my belt. I KNEW there was a direct route, I just picked the wrong road.


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