nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

why do I still miss him!
June 01, 2002 1:19 a.m.


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Conversation with C (kitten).

MysstRaven: oh....um.........can I brink up something I really shouldn't bring up?

MysstRaven: okay

AJsSexKitten: sure..bring up whatever

MysstRaven: I'll give you 3 guesses.

AJsSexKitten: t-boy?

MysstRaven: ~pout~ yes

AJsSexKitten: you're not stalking him, i know that much

MysstRaven: I know..........I just miss him.........and the worst part is that I shouldn't. And that make me feel so pathetic.

AJsSexKitten: we're girls. i miss justin, and he's nothing but a pain in the ass

MysstRaven: well, yes....but you have reason, I haven't spoken with mine in 8 months. I shouldn't care anymore. Someone is away for a week, you miss them....someone is away for a month, you miss them....someone goes away for 8 months you realize that they dont' want to talk to you and move on.

AJsSexKitten: you just need something to take your mind off him.

MysstRaven: .....but....it's just for whatever reason I've been thinking about him alot lately,.....like the other day, I forget what I was thinking about but it sent me back to that time when he was at the annyex and I saw him working (shirtless) and he did the puppy-faced please forgive me thing. ...I mean I was back there, every detail...........and that pissed me off because I shouldn't be remembering things like that. most of my memories of him are like that....

AJsSexKitten: we only see what we want to see. try remembering the shitty things abut him

AJsSexKitten: about

AJsSexKitten: if you only think about the good, then you'll stay in this predicament

MysstRaven: so in other words relive the last day I spoke to him. which was bad.

AJsSexKitten: yeah. force yourself to remeber the bad. then, after you don';t miss him anymore, remember the good

MysstRaven: but that sux. ~pout~ why can't I just get to talk to him? ~pout~ not fair.

AJsSexKitten: and what woudl you say to him?

AJsSexKitten: there's nothing you're dying to say is there?

MysstRaven: no....I just miss him.




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