Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

random thought the brain, some fun, some not.
May 13, 2003 3:53 p.m.

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Hmmm I decided to do a random thoughts entry, haven't done one of those in awhile....just clearing my head of everything in it.

1. I'm watching disc 2 of 24 (the show) again. I watched all 4 eps. It is a horribly violent show and I don't know how I feel about my continuing to watch it, I mean some of these concepts are absolutely horrible......especially for network (24 is network right?). And I'm not talkin' Die Hard violence, I'm talking watching horrible things happen to good innocent people that are being filmed like you are right there. I'm watching it again because, for some reason it's relatively nice to have in the background, maybe it's Keffier Sotherland's sexy voice and great delievery. (Palmer's son is also incredible!) and I feel lame spending 4 bucks on something and taking it back the next day. Plus, I kinda want the next disc, but I'm a bit conflicted because I'm a bit bothered by the violence an the plot and its tendency to be predictable and my continuing to watch makes the show makers believe it is better than it is and I'm not bothered by those issues which I am.

2. B said something to me earlier today which prompted me to ask him a rather personal question that I maybe shouldn't have ask, and I said this to him before I asked, an told him he didn't have to answer. ...he found ways around answering it, so basicly he didn't want to answer. And I'm really starting to regret asking him. I hope I haven't upset/angered him into being more guarded, he's already an insanely guarded person. And considering that I have spent my week wanting nothing more than a hug from him, I'm worried this will hinder that even more.

3. Something about the night time that erases all inhibitions. 4am I'll have convinced myself to just walk up to him and hug him. But that is all gone by morning. All I want is a hug from him and the opprotunity never seems to present itself. Acknowledging the cliche, we're almost like magnets. If I get in in my head that I want to hug him, I get in the same room with him and I just can't do it. It's like his very presance pushes me away. I wondered if he knows about this telepathicly and is using his telepathic skills, or perhaps his telekinetic skills to push me away. I don't know, I have no idea.

4. My Dr. Pepper cans have Rogue on them, how awesome is that?

5. C is at an interview right now at Columbia House. ...Though she turned in her application before me, I can't help but have a sense of fear and jeliously that I won't get a call. ...But she said it took them a week to call her in the first place, and I only turned in my application Friday.

6. I don't know what to think about the Irish guy (homage to Mr. Sage Advice.) I mean....just little things, this and that...I discussed with Mr. Coffee the idea of dating someone now a days implies commitment, and it's that which makes me relucant. It's nice to be persued for a change and have someone actually interested in me that is relatively cool, but I don't know if I'm into him for the purpose of dating or just diggin' him for a friend, but I don't want to lead him on. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone. Then again, maybe I need to grow up, face the music and understand how the real world works. And the only way to know if I'm going to have a connection with someone is just to put myself out there. "There's only now there's only here, give in to love or live in fear. No other coarse no other way, no day but today".

7. RENT is coming within an hour of where I currently live in January. I am totally there. Camping for RENT rat seats of course.

8. I made Kool-Aid today. While I was pouring the sugar in I was reminded of Jon from the Real World 2 (California) and how he used to pour tons of sugar in his Kool-aid and everyone mocked him for it.

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Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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