Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

The Dave Guy
January 03, 2003 12:26 a.m.

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I've been thinking a bit about the guy I met at the DMB show. He was really cute and he was flirting alot with me. I don't know if he was really into me (as much as you can be when you just meet someone) or if it was just because he was intoxied and about to see/just saw Dave.

I've been considering emailing him. A while back my friend said she found out his email address but now she says it's wrong. ...so in order for me to email him, I would have to email the friend of his that I also met at the concert. ...but I just think that would be really shitty...to contact someone for the sole purpose of contacting someone else...."Yeah I thought you were okay,..but I'd much rather be in contact with that really hot friend of your's who lives here."

but...if I live by the forget regret, no day but today philosophy...I should do it. ugh....I'll think about it some more...

I am of the opinion that he started flirting with me because I directly teased/mocked him right when I first met him. ...He introduced himself to me and my friend and he said he was from Broadripple(which is a severly cool part of Indy). and my friend and I were like...Ah cool! ...and my friend asked him what part. ...Then he added that he live just outside of Broadripple ...To which I responded, "So you're not from Broadripple". and he was like "yeah...I just said I was from there because it's cooler" and basicly joked how I had called him out for it.

He also commented that he really liked my scarf that I was wearing....Then later on in the evening when we were walking blocks and blocks around the united center in the freezing cold I was wear 2 scarfs...one my red fuzzy scarf across my chest under my coat..and my other (the one he liked) around my neck and over my face to keep my nose and ears warm. He kept making jokes about me looking 'afgani' and refering to me as the 'communist' and joking (repeatedly) pulling it down from my face. At one point when I was teasing him for mocking me the told me that in reality his nose was really cold and he was teasing me out of jealously...and let me borrow one of his hats to keep my ears warm.

My main issue of concern is that he's a insanely huge Dave fan...and I am not. ...could be an issue. But..if I don't email him ......it won't matter. ...I think I just might have made my decision.

2/10/03 ...actually I did email him right after this...the email was no longer in uses.

Vampires just night owls in disguise..cont.
January 02, 2003 10:19 p.m.

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So I've been considering going to the store and getting sleeping pills. Why? because I have become so ridiculously nocturnal. Every day I end up staying up an hour later and sleeping an hour later. ...Today I finally fell asleep around 8-9am and got up around 6pm. I've been in this pattern pretty much since the beginning of december when I wasn't sleeping much because of finals and final projects.

I am reminded of one of my first entries on how Maybe Vampires were just nightowls. The more I think about it the more I agree. I mean..I haven't been out in the sun in a long time. This would make sense on why their skin was so pale. ..and I have always had a thing for vampires. My name was orginally taking from the name of the vampire club in the tv show Forever Knight That lead me into reading Anne Rice because I saw a preview for the movie while watching that show...and it reminded me of that show. ..I read the books before I saw the movie (Queen of the Damned being my favorite, which they ruined) and my favorite comic is Crimson which is a about vampires.

Yeah...so I'm thinking I might resort to drugs to get myself back on a normal schedule....though I'm reluctant because ....it also seems like a bad idea because...ya know..it's drugs.

Plus..while I'm home for break I'm supposed to be working at my mom's office...but I've been going to bed when I would need to go to work. Yesterday I considered just not going to bed and going into work...but ...I decided not to. I think I might do that tomorrow. ...Just force myself to stay up and pull an over 24 hour day....not like I haven't done it before. Maybe that will be enough to get be back on some sort of schedule

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