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| nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME --Wurdz by Otep Shamaya |
| graduation picture November 18, 2003 11:16 p.m. Related Reading while I was typing the previous entry my mom came down and asked if I wanted to see pictures from my graduation. I thought this one was appropriate to post. ...It's a picture of me and my father. just seemed to personify how I feel right now.
 Fighting Growing up kicking and screamingNovember 18, 2003 10:19 p.m. Related Reading wow. what is my life right now. I'm trying to think of some lame analogy that perfectly decribes how I feel right now. I guess it's like 3 years ago someone sent me ahead in a time machine and showed me this version of life. Ugh. I think I've been mental stagnent since July. I guess I can be lame in blame it on the Jeff situation. but....here everything in my life keeps changing and moving on and I'm .....I'm just not. I'm terrified. Here lately I've been making plans for my life a year from now...and I'm not even living in this month! I have a job. I dunno...how I screwed myself up but I just have this fear that it will be short term. ...like it's presumpious of me to assume it's long term. (Fuck me. What does that remind me of. Fuck me! that's it.) I signed a lease at an amazing apartment today. ....for a year. I'm scared that it won't last ...that I'm fuckin' myself in the end. Because who knows if I'll be able to handle the situation (when realistic I shouldn't be worried) That Non-Commitial Fuck has me paranoid that nothing else in my future is going to work out. That every new addition and change in my life is going to end horribly. I need to be happy and excited about each new step...and right now I am so afraid. |
Otep   |
| Me being overly analytical of Britney and Christina - July 31, 2008 - - Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. - July 24, 2008 Count Down with Keith Olbermann Special Comment - June 12, 2008 Reality Romances. - May 22, 2008 Layout by Raven Green |