Friendly Secrets Part 2
May 06, 2004 2:54 a.m.

And as I started rereading it...doing casual proof reading I realized something... the POY rules:

Pieces Of You is, more than anything, just a place to get creative and have fun. Submissions may be in any form. From poetry to artwork, or hey... How about a template? Anything goes!

Be creative. Be original. Have fun!

I didn't just have to flat out type a story that my friends could/would/have tell/told, maybe I should just really look at myself though the eyes of my friends. This is was the simple answer that seemed so wrong. I was uncomfortable acknowledging my value to my friends. This is pseudonymous with my inability to accept real compliments. I feel like I am unworthy of them.

I think C would tell the story of the time where she tried to push me away by befriending and replacing me with this girl I absolutely cannot stand. C has this bad habit of pushing people away when they get too close to her and (like Brian in QAF when he outs Michael) she can't do it subtly, she has to push you off a fuckin' cliff. (she spent months creating an elaborate show to convince her boyfriend (who she loves to this day) that she was cheating when she wasn't so he would break up with her, she was successful, crushing them both) She did this to me by trying to replace me with the one person she Knew I couldn't stand. Most people I can tolerate, but not this girl. This meant whenever they were to hang out I would never participate. After awhile she started ditching plans with me to hang out with her. Finally this one night (the above link) I called her on it. We were all going to go out dancing and she decided that she didn't want to go...so she was going to go to Trish's and watch sex and the city. She and I(!!!) watch sex and the city together that's what we do! stupid girl had never watched it before. I think this is what set me off. I starting going off ...calling her on every part of this little scheme and how I knew that her entire plan was just too push me away and how I wasn't going to let her do that to me!

A couple of months later she was telling people about this habit of hers...and how some people just don't go away no matter how hard you push...and then she looked at me and my suspicion was confirmed.

Now this might not be a story she'd verbalize, but I don't think she has stories of horrible things I've done that she biting her tongue not telling. I think this is more something she knows in her heart..and her heart would tell the secret, that I am someone she can not push away, even when she tries her hardest. The whole world could be standing there calling her a bitch, but no matter how many bitchy things she does (and I do get angry with her) I truly believe that there is good in her and I will always stand by her. (wow, that's the quote isn't it?"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." My actions have proved this time and again. Allowing her to drive my car (Me in the passenger seat of course) to her parents house 3 hours away at 5 in the morning, so she could see her mom at her lowest point ever.

This year being the only person to stay with her on the night of a Tragic anniversary, giving her a large shot of Irish Whiskey (Jemison) sitting with her watching a non-girlie, not depressing little movie till she went to sleep.

These are friend secrets. Mutual emotional experiences. These are just as much a secret for her as they are for me. This shows how nurturing and loyal and quiet I can be. I'm known for being silly, and loud and saying stupid things, like recently when after drinking a Steak N Shake Mocha shake, I quoted The Family Guy wrong saying "there's and Orgasm in my mouth" instead of Orgy. ...C's response was "It's Orgy, because what you said is clearly gross!". ...That was the quote in her profile for a good long time. This is what we do! We mock our silliness, our trips our falls our burps or sentance slip ups, We wear them on are sleeves! Our true secrets are our closest, quiet, serious moments...to paraphrase from Before Sunrise, the truth must be in the attempt...the space between two people sharing something.

Chris from 5 once told me that when you make yourself vulnerable to another person they are directly made that same level of vulnerable. Seeing one another at their best and their worst, watching them break and knowing there's nothing you can do, them watching you cry and try and paint them and their emotion and the moment with tears pouring down your face when you're the type of person who doesn't cry.

These are the real secrets, the real stories, not thoses flashy ones that are told on a consistant basis for entertainment value, no. they are secrets because they are never told, never bastardized, they are always pure. And some of these even if told (in say an online diary) the emotional power of the experience or memory can not conveyed in mere words,....it's that feeling in your heart and in your gut, and even when the color fades and the picture blurs....that feeling is still there.

Friendly Secrets
May 06, 2004 2:11 a.m.

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." ~ Jerome Cummings

A friend truly has seen us at our very best and worse. They have seen us at our silliest and at our ugliest..... They know all those little things about us that we don't necessarily want people to know but, ohhh, the stories they could tell. What stories do you think your close friends would love to tell about you?

Ya know...I am so easy to mock myself that I usually tell all my embaressing stories my friends would tell about me. Though, I have done some epicly silly things.

OH...I just remembered a good one (not the one I was originally going to type) This one year, the day after christmas I believe, I went to visit B and C and their family for the day. I was planning on just staying the one night and driving back sometime the next day. ...the the day drew on and on I didn't want to go but finally I came to the point of no returned...and packed up my car reluctantly and started to leave. As I reached the top of their long drive ..up hill...the section right next to the road had some serious ice...and my tires would only spin on it and I couldn't turn onto the road. I took this as a sign from God tha I should stay, put my car in reverse and started backing back down. ...Now...I'm not the world's greatest when it comes to reverse...and I ended up backing up right into their hill...(the drive cuts down though it) and it not only got stuck there because of the ground but also the snow. I walked like a tiny little embaressed child back to the house to ask for assistance. I don't remember how they got my car out...but it did involve several people...and I think pushing. ....This is one of the stories B and C love to tell about me. "And here's a picture of Raven's car in our hill".

There was also the time when "Raven's ceiling fell on her!". They like to tell that one alot too. One Halloween when I was living in the dorm I was climbing up onto my bed (which was the top bunk) to watch Fight Club (which had been released and purchased that day). Because it was a nice cool refreshing evening we had the windows open in the room (and our bunk beds were up next to the windows running parallel to them. To get into my bed I had to use my desk chair to step up onto the heater and position myself between the windows and the bed and climb up. That night as I climbed up I did not notice that the wind had blow our curtains so they were over the bed...as I climbed up my knee pulled one of them taut. ..Now under normal curcumstances this would pull the curtains down....and they did come down...however they pulled down 4 ceiling tiles with them. One hit the desk, another a chair...the bed...and I think one of them landed on me. somehow I pulled myself out and slid under onto the bottom bunk and went next door to tell my friends. I believe my delivery was a very calm, "My ceiling just fell on me". and of course after recoving from the shock they ran next door to see....and then called others. C took pictures (as she did with the car) and has them in a book...so yeah...I know these are stories my friends like to tell about me.