Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Persian bracelet
February 13, 2003 10:48 p.m.

Related Reading

So B and I watched

and that put him all in the mood to have a past life regressional ...but since he couldn't do that at that specific moment....he doesn't even know if he can....given how insanely psychic he is....he decided to play with his

...Phoenix Cards work alot different than Tarot cards...they are supposed to speciallize in past lives. ...So you have to lay them out and look at them for awhile and pick the ones that you are really drawn to. and while he was working with them...I kept looking at them...and there was on that I kept being drawn to over and over. And that was the Persian Bracelet.

So I read the discription .....and that card was so dead on it was scarey! ....I mean DEAD on. So accurate it was insane. It mainly dealt with the issue of love and how I don't seem to be very successful at it. ...It decribed that I feel about love in a very spirital way ...as an exstention of my own spiritual self. ...and as I was reading it was like ...YES that's exactly IT I've never quite been able to explain it before...but that's exactly how I feel.

And then later it pointed how that in a rather Jungian fashion, I, on a subconcience level, search out those guys which I know that I can't have. ..and I read this allowed to be and he was like,...Yes you do

And lets think about this, who are the guys I chase after?

1. The T-boy. ...A boy who passively aggressively ignores that I have feelings from him and then just vanishes...and then entirely vanishes.
2. The Ceramics Boy,...leads me on, but has a girlfriend.
3.The Otep Boy....seems interested but never calls....I think he as issues with all my male friends.
4. The Reign of Fire boy....has a girlfriend
5. The hot printmaking prof. ....besides the fact he's a prof...he has a girlfriend.
6. Mr. Apollo.....Is 30.
7. DMB Guy....~sigh~ knew him only one night.
....Um I know there's more but...those are the ones that first come to mind...and I'm sure 7 is enough ....and of course those are all since college,...since I became confident enough to go after boys.

Then another thing it bought up another reason why I can't find someone. ....It said I would be impossible to find this perfect person I'm trying to find ...because what I'm looking for is an idealized version of myself. And I've writen before on how I decovered that what I was looking for in a guy....all the qualites I what in him...are the same qualites I want them to like about me. ..And I told this to B and him seemed rather surprised...like it was something he had never thought of...never considered before.

In short the whole thing was rather eerie.

On a side note: At the student show tonight one of my pieces one the award for "Best 2D piece" ...which I found rather amusing...and I'm sure alot of people are rather miffed....because I wouldn't exactly define it as 2D ...but I'm not complaining. ...In fact I'm gonna go have a drink with some friends...ta ta.