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| nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME --Wurdz by Otep Shamaya |
  "....It's like you almost miss the pain."September 04, 2004 12:57 a.m. Related Reading Okay,....well.... So I took about a year,...but I think I am on the other side of the monster hill that is my Jeff Brokenheart. I've been thinking this for awhile now,...but wasn't brave enough to vocallize it until the other night. I can honestly say that I don't care what he's doing now, or anything about it. I have no desire to see him, or to talk to him....and not out of spite or pride,.....but really.....I just don't care anymore... I can identify with the line in Swingers where he says that you wake up every day and it hurts a bit less....and the you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all....and it's almost like you miss the pain because you lived with it for so long. I'm used to taking a road by where he works as a means to get to the post office...and looking for his car... or mentally acknowledging that I'm passing near his house... or thinking his name as I tie a straw wrapper in in knot. These are all now meaningless habits. Part of this I'm sure is derived from my friend Aric who is friends with Jeff...telling me all the bad things about it. I finally really understand that it really was an illusion...that really was all game. ...that I really did buy in....and he entirely played me....He's not a nice guy deep down that just screwed up......no....he really his a horrible person...really, he has done alot of bad things to alot of people,....especially girls. He's also one of those Catholic brainwashed individuals who only sees women as good Catholic wives.....and believes all women need to be rescued. I recall that picture of him I posted a year ago (that has since vanished) where his is in a parade of some kind, dressed in Catholic robes....leading a group of people ....carring a giant gold cross. .....makes me wonder if they new what kind of person was representing them. I have heard tales that he has gone out with alot of girls he's met online. On atleast one occasion....when he met the girl she was maybe a bit chunky....or for whatever reason he found her unattractive...he met her and left.....he didn't even hang out with her at all. I have no regrets.....I don't want to go back and rid that instance from my life.....at the time....I did what I though was right and what I wanted to do......but now that I know better, I'm like...."ugh! I kissed you? You're scum!!! I used you as my stick by which to judge all men...? I thought you were the perfect gentleman? Nah....you're just a player." So ....now the Raven girl is on the prowl....I think....there is a guy that has come in to work twice and I spoken with him....the other night I think he was going to ask me out for a beer or something....because he asked when I got of work....Which is surprising because I was in my HORRIBLE work uniform (not attractive or flattering at all!!) And wearing my glasses with my eyebrows needing wax. also I flirted,....I think....maybe we just politely spoke, with this other guy the other night....he was leaving town for school....but you never know when he might be back. He was a cutey. I'm also thinking (again after contacts are bought and eyebrows waxed and house cleaned) I'm going to contact the imfamous Travis....or atleast make an attempt to. I'm gonna call his parents and ask if they have a number. Not expecting to hook up with him....just would like to talk to him, or see him....and just find out what he's been up to....also tell him about Michael Cisco and Otep......And oh yeah, Shiver in the Dark! |
Otep   |
| Me being overly analytical of Britney and Christina - July 31, 2008 - - Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. - July 24, 2008 Count Down with Keith Olbermann Special Comment - June 12, 2008 Reality Romances. - May 22, 2008 Layout by Raven Green |