Letter to Otep
August 26, 2005 4:04 a.m.

I don't know if you read these yourself, or if someone filters them, but in light of the horrific scene which has taken over the guestbook associated with your diary. (funny, do they not read "Guest" before they proceed with the slander?) I felt it was important to send some positive energy your way.

I have never written before as I have felt you had more important matters at hand to concern yourself with little old me.

But I wanted to let you know how much you have inspired me, and how important the work you do is.

It is a terrifying reality to be an artist. ...I mean to truly understand that IS what you are. So many people are in it for the glory, and I don't just mean money and fame. It's considered "cool" to be creative and tortured. But when the novelty wears off people drift away and live a life that's safe. .....to understand in the very marrow of your bones that you are an artist is painful and terrifying. I Ache to create.

You have so greatly increased my knowledge of the process! When I started reading your words describing how the muse works though you, I *finally understood! I had something to call it! It had a name! When I lose myself in the oblivion of creation I understand now that I am processed by the muse! I have lost control will painting and finished a pieced covered head to toe, back and front with paint, displaying leopard spots for days.

I know peace only when I create. You have written before that performing is better than multiple orgasms. Really, there is no feeling in the world like having the electric fire of the muse in my blood, so beautifully intense! Dare I say it's better than sex?

I guess what I'm getting at is that your creative expression helps me to finally understand myself! I don't know if the impact of my emotions can be expressed in words, but.....I have Never understood myself. I throw paint around and other such things at the canvas. I shout or talk to the piece, all of which is beyond my control and I am looked at as strange. But to acknowledge that I am a slave to the muse.......everything become clear.

And so I thank you!!! I thank you for being so Pure! and Driven!

I set you as my artistic example. On days when I choose not to paint I hear you in my ear scolding me and driving me to create. When I feel the tug of the current, feeling myself growing weary and weak in the world and want to relax and go with the flow, I look to your example and I swim even harder.

Those people writing cruel things for the sake of hurting are horrible and insecure. And really I don't agree with those who reference the art created, as metal and compare it to other such things. What you create is Absolute Pure Art! ....and that is what I connected with. I don't listen to "metal" ....I listen to some aggressive music, but Otep really is as hard as I get. I don't know how it compares to others in the field, but I do know that something about it in snared me in a way that nothing of the 'Metal" genre ever has. The music is pure and raw, gut wrenching and soul baring, and that is what I am drawn to. those who have to find a way to classify you just don't understand.

I don't know if I've accomplished what I meant to, or if this is just incoherent rambling, but I do hope it helps you to keep fighting the good fight.

Also, I live in Indiana, insert a sarcastic comment about red states here, and I have yet to be able to attend a ritual. Most are over 4 hours from where I live. ...and I don't care much for festivals, but I can't really afford Ozzfest if I wanted to go. Maybe one show in Indiana next time around?….please?