maybe I'm just a lonely 23 year old virgin with no realistic romantic possibilities
November 20, 2003 11:39 p.m.

I'm becoming more and more bothered by my increasing desire to converse with him. and not in a sexual way....but I dunno. He's mature and intelligent and I have way more trust in him than I would expect myself to. I enjoy conversing with him.

Now on one hand it could be part of routine. ....What do I do in the evenings? Before bed I come online, check the email and do the Dland thing, all the while conversing with him (I hate the phrase 'chatting'. I don't chat with him. What we do is not Chat. We don't chat about weather or sports. we converse like old friends). Then I might read and go to bed. But....we've started sending email tag. ...1 or 2 sentance emails. I've started to look forward to them. (yesterday and today) ...we were im'ing this afternoon discussing how the 'lift' in his office doesn't work and random yet strangely satifing details of our jobs.

The reason I started typing this email is because I started typing some of in an email to him. I decided that was a bridge I didn't want to cross blindly. We can't be more than what we are. I mean that's just not possible. That is not a possibility. Okay...disregarding that obvious reality that realisticly I will never meet him, But....I would be horribly afraid that I wouldn't be attracted to him in person.. A year a go I would have said that I wouldn't, but now...I'm worried that I might be able to. I mean....people are so different online than how they are in life, but him....wow, at this point I don't know anymore.

and ya know what...I'd be lying if I didn't admit to thinking about what it might be like to move to NZ, and be his wife (chill. I don't know MY stance on the situation, let alone his, plus I have no desire to be married under 25. )....I mean I'm sure I could find a simliar job, but ya know...in a few year's he'll have graduated with his law degree (he's currently working as such) maybe I might just be able to focus on my art. Live in a beauiful country, make art, eat great food (he cooks), have great sex. I mean does it get any better than that?

Plus he really is the perfect Dom for my Sub. I remember after watching Secretary with some people and this one girl said, "It is so hard to find the right dom, when you do you have to keep'em".

Honestly I'm the reluctant one in the situation. He's been dying to call me since june. I mean....He's wanted to actually talk to me for a long time but...been more presistant about the issue since June. Not in a bad way...

and honestly, we've been conversing with one another for 2 1/2 years.

Eh....maybe I'm just a lonely, heart broken 23 year old virgin with no realistic romantic possibilities, so I'm grabbing out for an illusion wondering what it might be like if it were real.