Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Non Commital Fucks
August 05, 2003 2:54 a.m.

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yea for Monday Road trips with the girls. ...You can't get a case of the mondays when your excited about leaving town.

Libby decided to stay with her sister out of town today....so Dali and I drove an hour and a half back here without her....which gave us time to talk....which was good because we really haven't talked all that much. ....and really it was just a venting session for me on the whole Jeff not calling situation. .....it started because we had to pass the general area of his house as we were leaving town.....and I kept saying I was weak and wanted to stop...but I knew we couldn't because we had to get libby to her sister's asap (because it was late). but I did flip him off in his general direction (while driving).....Libby and Dali did the same....and Dali was making these great comments....(btw...we have a shot which was made as homage to the guy libby likes ...but Dali and I drink it too. It's called a Non Commital Fuck. ....not the verb...but the adjective. ....A fuck (bastard, asshole....insert comparable word of choice) who can't commit. ...the shot is Scotch, Gin, and Lime juice. ...It's supposed to taste and feel like it does when you are being or have been fucked over by one of these non commital pricks. ...and it's suprisingly not as bad as you expect and is suprisingly addicting. ...the cravings come when you are feeling especially bitter about the situation)....so I was yelling "non commital fuck!!" and Dali was yelling things like "I flip you off in your general direction!", "Sit on it and spin, bitch!", "A big fuck you and you don't even get to come!" ...she's great.

Yeah...so I basicly told her that whole story starting with the Wabash Guy (if you remember him) and she concured that his not calling is strange and out of character.

So I got back to my apt. and I had 2 new messages. As much as I try not to....I was hoping one was from him. .....they both were from B.

the nagging little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that what I'm looking for is right in front of my face. again....the notorious concept of B and I dating (and I have no idea what his position on the matter is) but he and I would make a horrible couple. We want entirely different things out of life. Plus the more details I learn about how many people he as played around with......even if he has been safe.....I don't think I'd like being with someone what had been with that many people. ...I mean I'm 23 and I've kissed one person a hand full of times....

Plus I just can't think of B in a sexual manner and I would not in any way EVER becomfortable engaging in anything remotely sexual with him. So no. ...no dating of the brotherly bestfriend.

~sigh~ this entry was supposed to be a short expression of my joy of monday road trips. ....didn't mean it to be a boy entry.

Oh! but on the subject of the road trip....the main purpose for going back to Indy today was to check out this gallery that I was planning on submitting work to. ...It's a great little gallery! Very cute and my work would look fantastic in the space! so I talked with one of the ladies that worked there and seemed excited about what I'm was telling her....so I'm going to send them a disc with pictures of my work, titles and dementions as well as a statement, very soon. That really would be a great place for me to show.

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