Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

minimal nonattachment flirting
November 26, 2002 10:54 p.m.

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Okay, so the next time I spend my night crying about something in regards to the Ceramic boy realize that it is my own damn fault.

What happened this time you ask?

Well Sunday night I was writing a paper in the computer lab until around 3:30am and then I went out to the the 3D studio to do some welding and of course the Ceramic boy was there, he is just as much an artsy night owl as I am. I saw his truck parked in the "grad student parking area" which is basicly the sidewalk in front of the building. I took a deep breath and walked in knowing that I was about to see him (I had to pass right by his studio). I prepared myself for what I decribed to a friend of mine as Minimal nonattachment flirting. I popped my head in and side "hi" to him, and he was very excited to see me, he yelled my name and motioned for me to come in because he wanted to show me what he and be working on over the weekend. He showed me this really big piece, it was really really good. ..And then (all excited) he motioned for me to follow so he could show me something else. We spoke a bit, and then I scampered off to my side of the building. He told me to let him know if I needed any help.

We talked a bit off and on the rest of the 'night' and then around 5am he comes over to my side of the studio, helped me with a few things. Then he asked me if I was going to be around for much longer, I said I could be and asked him why and he said that he was about to go take a shower, and then come back, and if I was going to be there he got back, he'd bring me breakfast.

I of course to him up on the offer.

That makes 3 breakfasts he has bought me, and one dinner. (a friend of mine told me that breakfast is commonly associated with sex.)

I just keep telling myself that everytime he does something nice like that for me,...it's because he misses his girlfriend. I also keep telling myself that he is going to go home for Thanksgiving break and see alot of his gf and then come back and our relationship will be as it previously was.

I've also being discussing this issue with several people, mainly because it's been so much on my mind. And there has been mixed opinions.

One person told me that it was suspisous that he hadn't mentioned her once....I mean if this person is so importent to you, you should mention her right? The girl pointing this out says that it is quite common of her to bring up her boyfriend regularly in conversation. She told me to listen for stories in which he makes reference to a friend without naming a name.

This other friend of mine told me to question the source that told me that told me he has a girlfriend, because she says that's the only piece that doesn't fit.

Oh and he reminded me again about the Vines concernt and the Otep concert. ...it's almost like he wants to go to it with me...or wants me to ask him to go....but for some reason (the girlfriend?) he doesn't. And actually I realized the other day that both concerts are over Christmas break, and he will be home in West Virginia, not here.

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Present

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Zeldman

Otep

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