Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Stephan Perry
August 18, 2004 3:23 p.m.

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Note: There is a Swimmer from Great Britian named Stephan Perry. ....and everytime they say his name I can't help it...it's reactionary ...I have have to say:

SteveeeeePerry!

Think BaseKetBall.

New Job Training Concerns
August 18, 2004 2:11 p.m.

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Ugh, may I please throw up now?

I just got out of the training session for my new job (which nothing is for sure yet).

In complete and utter honesty, I am terrifed.

I guess it's the lady's job to make me fully aware of what I'm getting myself into....but ugh I'm so scared.

The really scarey part was the cigarette carding speech. I mean...it seems like such a simple thing. ..carding someone for cigarettes, I mean you think I would know enough now to do that...I mean why wouldn't I do that? I mean going into the situation I would plan on just carding everyone always. ...but this lady has me paranoid that sometime I'm won't and that person will be a minor and I'll have to go to court and pay $1000 fine as well as losing my job. I mean it's like taking this job is going to ruin my life. I mean the responsibility is just mind boggling....and I've never done anything like this....

And then on top of that the most importent thing to this company is Custumer service...and I mean 10 times as much as everywhere else. ...and again my screwing this up fucks over the company...and I am so hard on myself and I just want to be perfect at everything I do .....so clearly the expectations I have on myself....

But at the same time I have at the back of my head this notion that I could be really good at this....and when she was discussing the importance...the idea of just being friendly and nice as a means to really reach out and touch people and change lives.........."Build Relationships and affect lives"...the lady was discussing the power of one person to change lives ....and she used Walt Disney..

And in one part I'm scared that I'm not going to be very good, like I get out there freak out and clam up. ....But the other part of me is saying that this is something I could be really good at, I mean I might really like doing this once I get the hang of it...and doing it long term....I mean of course painting and if I can do that then that's the most importent thing, but the point I'm making is that I have always been good at talking with people. I mean....being interested in things people have to say, having empathy, and just enjoying talking to and with people....and if this is a skill that I have why not put it to good use...and if my talking with people changes their day, makes them feel better about things, makes them happy to come in and see me....changes their day,....then that's so amazing ....and the thing is this is a skill I've aways had and I have never once thought of having a job where I use it. ...Well...I thought about working a movie store and being able to talk movies all day...but....

so...this idea is really hard from me to grasp.

I mean, I know all my baristas. I know there names. I know Mr. Hottie Hottie is about my age and is an Industrial Design major. I know Miss Carolyn is a rennisance renactor and loves harry poter.

When every I'm in a store I always strike up conversations with whoever is working behind the register.

Wow....just so much responsibility. I should have done this when I was 18, maybe I'd be better prepared for life.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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