Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

3 is a crowd.
June 18, 2002 10:30 a.m.

Related Reading

Okay so it has been an interesting day. (the 24 hour period since my last entry.)

When I left the lab that night this guy started hitting on me, telling me how beautiful I was and wanted to escorte me to my car. He seemed nice so I gave him my email address. ...I just recieved a letter from him today.

Than, the next day I was walking to my car after drawing class and this other guy started doing the exact same thing! He in fact wanted to take me out that night (last night) but I really didn't have the time. (busybusybusy with my ceramic class..I spent an extra 7 hours at the studio last night!)

Now, while both of these guys seem incredibly nice......I'm really not attracted to them. Not my type. ...now what is my type? Oh I know, the distint artist boy who sends mixed signals, but dressing incredibly well, who like weird movies. Hmmm who do I know that's like that? ~coughtraviscough~ yeah yeah, I know, fuck him,...but. I can honestly tell you that I don't think I have anything in common with the guys.

You know what's really weird? I'm horridly vain. I spend way to much time on my appearance. I want to look good, I want to look better (doing yoga now, swimming, thinking about running as well, I also changed my walk). It is importent to me to be found attractive by the opposite sex. YET now, two days in a row I've succeeded. I have to random guys just walk up and ask me out. ....something I guess I've always wanted, and now I just want to undo it. Why? because that's the only reason. I have been blessed with so many good qualities.............~sigh~

I dunno, I'm confusing myself.

honestly I think it all boils down to my still trying to attain that which I cannot have.....if I can improve myself to the point that I can walk into a room and literally have whoever I choose,.............them maybe I finally get him. I guess the lie I keep telling myself is that one of these days I'm going to run into him, and I want to be looking my best than maybe he might see me differently. I mean Bri told me that guys change their opinions about girls on the time. ~sigh~ I know I should make the attempt to get over him...but current occurances only make me hold on tighter.