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| nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME --Wurdz by Otep Shamaya |
  I want another drinkDecember 28, 2003 1:42 a.m. Related Reading one bad thing about will power is when it is hard to maintain. I will maintain simply because I really have no other choice, but right now all I want is to call Jeff and to hear his voice, again I have no idea, I don't know why I've been in this funk lately. And honestly I can hear his voice answering "hello". And since July I've been handling the situation like an addict, calling my sponser everytime I want a drink. And I want one so bad right now I almost can't stand it. and there's no one around from me to call and talk to in his place. (revealing the reasoning for this entry) But I know deep down that inniciating any form of contact with him is not something that I should do and therefore I won't do it, but I will sit here and whine and pine about it, ..and if he logs on I'll tear myself up over the fact that he's not contacting me and when he logs off and I've sat there the whole time silently than I'll be even more depressed. ugh what the hell is the matter with me. I just have this void in my and I'm trying so hard to fill it. Rid myself of it. I've tried books, I've tried film, prayer, drinking, eating, socializing, driving, listening to music, sloth, shopping. I've done everything that I can think of to enrich my person and my mind, and spirit and yet I just have this horrible, festering, nagging ache. Nothing really makes me feel better for a prolonged period of time. I am just so tired. |
Otep   |
| Me being overly analytical of Britney and Christina - July 31, 2008 - - Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. - July 24, 2008 Count Down with Keith Olbermann Special Comment - June 12, 2008 Reality Romances. - May 22, 2008 Layout by Raven Green |