Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

didn't expect this name to be mentioned again did you.
April 04, 2003 12:45 p.m.

Related Reading

I'm in a down mood tonight. I have know idea way. I kinda wonder if it's because B's in a bad mood (hadn't said but I can tell) ....I wonder if his ablity to disrupt energy is having an effect on me...

I'm currently watching Great Expectations. The Ethan Hawk version. You know why?

1. this movie is every artist's dream, to have a benifactor who will send you to New York, hook you up with a gallery to give you an awesome show no questions asked. ...All supplies paid,...Amazing loft....Every artist's dream. ....with my show coming up...in the mood for an artist movie.

2. It's a T movie. Can't help it....I've been thinking alot about him. ...I know I know I haven't spoking to him in almost a year and a half (year and 4 months)....I know I should be saying "Fuck him" and "fuck it" and an assortment of other such things, but I can't. I can't, I want to see him and I want to talk to him. I really want to be a stalker and somehow manage to track him down and invite him to my show. .....sitting here typing this I ache to talk to him.

But anyway, this is a T movie. ....the famous part where Ethan Hawk is standing in the rain the night of his show calling up to her window shouting "Everything I have ever done has been for you". I identify with that, more than I should. I know I hate the idea that 'everything I've done I've done for him'....I mean...I haven't, but I have.....It's been one of my driving forces in life, one of my reasons for wanting to be successful is to improve so he could find me his equal...find me someone he could never be ashamed of, find me someone he could admire.....because that's how I feel about him. When I had my Dante shows I painted everything it for him, and he never came. And in the end I did a bunch of great work and improved greatly,....the fact that he didn't see it is irrelavent. I do what works to make myself better, and if trying to impress a boy who doesn't care makes me better, than that's all that matters. I mean I paint to impress people I went to high school with. I paint to impress my middle school art teaching that thought more of my friends than me....the one who that nothing of me and took under her wing a friend of mine who now wants to give up art and be a priest.

~sigh~ part of me wants to hunt him down, and other part wants to see if my friend Pryce (who knows him) will contact him and tell him about my show and he'll come with out a direct attempt on my behalf.

I know I'm lame. ....

I bought the Evanescence cd. It's not great, I'm rather disapointed. the first 5 songs or so are orgasmic....but near the end of the all seem to blend together...not as lyricly strong (or so I'm aware of at this point) the key seems to be the samek the rhythmes seem to be the same, she keeps sing the same notes...it gets a bit old...but ironicly enough the album does have a T song.

my immortal

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

...

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

...

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

© 2003 Wind-Up Records

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

Currently Reading