Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Masochistic Mountain
January 17, 2005 4:31 a.m.

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wow, I just fell from some really high hopes,....and it was such a crash landing.

It's times like these when I really hate my head.

As I sit here trying to put it into words all I can think about is Fiona Apple's song Paper Bag, I've typed it a million times, but what's one more?

I was starrin' at the sky, just looking for a star, to pray on or wish on or something like that.
I was havin' a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy whose reality I knew was a hopeless to be had...
but then the dove of hope began it's downward slope and I believed for a moment that my chances were approching to be grabbed....
but as it came down near so did a weary tear I thought it was a bird but it was just a paper bag<

I know I'm being melodramatic,...heh...and Evanesance line just popped into my head,

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies (so I don't know what's real and what's not
Always Confusing the thoughts in my head,....
So I can't trust myself anymore.

And then the Trent,

It won't give up it wants me dead, goddamn this noise inside my head.

I'm so raw and scared that I'm being overly senstive.

I want so much that I hope too much,...and the fall hurts more from the knowlege that it was from a masochistic mountain of my own making.

Up to my neck in a tantalizing pool of my own creation, too distracted by my thrist to realize what I'm trying to taste is my own tears.

Don't worry about me, I've just been listening to too much Otep. I'll be better tomorrow. it is my day off no less.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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