Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Mona Lisa Smile
January 11, 2004 11:16 p.m.

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I decided to go to the movies today for the first time (I think) by myself. I went and saw Mona Lisa Smile, and my post viewing opinion is that that was oddly, and strangely approtriate. ....My seeing a film about empowering woman to be independant and self reliant and happy, all of those without having need for a man, just oddly appropriate, especially given my current opinions on the subject.

It is a lovely film. ...having taken a many art history class I could appricate the the accuracy of the lectures.

And Maggie was underated and under used. I've heard this being called the female version of Dead Poet's Society. I disagree. One of the main differences is the fact that the story centered around Julia Robert's character as opposed to the students (the opposite of DPS). I would have actually liked to learn more about the students. There were so many hints and tidbits about their lives and I would have liked to know more about them, flush out all the questions I had...I really wanted to really understand the motivations for all their actions instead of merely having to guess at them.

And I was surprised at how developed Kirsten Dunst's character was. I've been a fan of her's since Interview. I had seen some many things talking about this film just flatly decribing her as the bitch, she is, but her character is so much deeper than that,...you really understand why she's a bitch, why she says and does the things that she does, and a character that you just want to hate, you can't help but understand and pity (somewhat like gollum), atleast that's how it was for me.

...but anyway, I left the film feeling very down, and very alone, and I still feel that way.

One of these days I will be content with my expertise on art, and film, and the occasional fantasy novel and my lack of understanding or experience in life, or love, or men for that matter.

I just need to be realistic and put aside the foolish daydreams of that wonderful thing called love that I've heard so much about. Because the void and ache I have for such things is more noticable and painful the more I seem to dwell on it.

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Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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