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| nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME --Wurdz by Otep Shamaya |
 The House of MirthOctober 07, 2002 10:27 a.m. Related Reading The next time, for whatever reason, I convice my self it might be okay for me to watch The House Of Mirth, I need to some how convince myself otherwise. This film is always going to leave me with the exact same feeling. Depressed. Very very depressed. I made the mistake of watching it with B last night, thinking that this time would be different than that last. Forgetting why it depressed me, corilating with some sort of T thing. But no, that's not it. This film is the visualization of all my greatest fears: To be greatly and utterly consumed by an enomormous debt. Being abanndoned by my friends, not finding someone who I love to love me back, and dying alone, by my own hand, without hope. I have a tendency to get really depressed about my future, that all my work and talent will go to wasted and I'll end up penniless and alone. And that's when I start thinking about just quiting well I'm ahead, the idea that if my life is shit now, it only going to get worse, then why not quite without have to deal with all that. But then I think of my parents and my friends and my fear of God as well as my trust......and well frankly my lack of pain tolerance, and somewhere in the process of all that I fall asleep and wake up the next morning and start the day anew, forgetting for the moment my lack of future. |
Otep   |
| Me being overly analytical of Britney and Christina - July 31, 2008 - - Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. - July 24, 2008 Count Down with Keith Olbermann Special Comment - June 12, 2008 Reality Romances. - May 22, 2008 Layout by Raven Green |