Saturday's drama
July 20, 2003 3:58 p.m.

So when I went back over to Libby's apt the next day to get my cell phone (I told her to hide it as a means to keep me from calling Jeff.)

We decided to watch Moulin Rouge since we were both feeing incredibly girlie and she hadn't seen it.

Oh and she told me that Paul was still angry with her and was refusing to see her.

But just before we could leave, she got a call from Paul saying he was coming to get her and take her somewhere because it was an emergency.

When he got to her apt he was in a panic, tossed some papers at her and told her to "Fuckin' read". ....and then after reading the first part she yells "holy fucking shit!!" and threw down what was in her hands ...forgot to lock her door and ran after him....leaving me confused and following.

We got in his car and paul was driving like a mad man....extremely fast and taking fast turns and hardly stopping a stop signs.

We got to where it seemed we were going ...I had determained from their conversation that the letter was a suicide note. Libby eventually let me read it...and maybe it's because I didn't know the person...but it didn't make any sense to me.

The author of the note was Paul's girlfriend. So while he got out to look for her I sat in the car confused ...not knowing what to do...feel or say since I had just met her the night before.....Libby was paceing around the still running car.

Paul did find her...and the walked back to the car....and Libby ran over to join them. ...the conversed for awhile, I don't know any of the details,...and then they all got back in the car and we started driving......after awhile of awkward silence Libby started to make conversation. but no one really seemed to want to participate. We eventually pulled up at a liquor store and Paul went in and got wine...then we started driving. ...we drove a ways in one direction and then it seeemed like we were almost back tracking......and I had absolutly NO CLUE what was going on. at one point they stopped at a gas station for beverages and cigerettes....I think I had determained at this point that Paul was driving her to a hospital far away. ....at one point he makes a comment that Law Breaking will be happening soon and that he doesn't want to be taking down any innocents. ....let it be noted that I'm the person in the car who has never really broken any laws.....so we pull out out in the boonies at this park and Paul packed a buddle under his arm and we all started walking...me quietly freaking out because again...I have absolutely no clue what is going on.

We walked across the park and under this railroad bridge and over to a river...he sat down next to the river unwrapping the bundle and the made some comment that he should move to a place were he had better sight of the river. ...Here I'm expecting there to be something disturbing in the bundle that he's planning on throwing in the river.

but...I was wrong. ...the bundle was jus the wine...and the law breaking was the consumption of alchol in a restricted area. ....he said the thought that every needed to go to an area with out metal and concrete and drink wine to remember that there are still places in this world that don't have metal and concrete.

So we all sat there for awhile before eventually returning to civilization.

and THAT was my day yesterday.

Libby's bday
July 20, 2003 3:36 p.m.

Friday was Libby's bday. She decided since she was having a bad day (she called the boy she is in love with at 2am and told him that she loved him and that she lie when she said she was fine with just being friends...she's not. ..He did not respond well...in fact he was an asshole to her).

Because of this she decided that all she wanted to do was have some close friends over to watch movies and drink wine.

The friends consisted of Me, a girl named Dali who I think is awesome, and Libby's oldest friends, Paul ..and later his girlfriend Jennifer.

Wow...this is going to be a long entry. maybe I should do side notes or list.

Side Note 1: I really hit it off with Paul. I had seen him around a few times, but never really interacted with him for whatever the reason, but I've found that we have a lot in common and a lot to talk about with one another. for 1. he's a graphic artist and shares my opinion on the difference between graphic artist and graphic design. He's also a film fan/movie dork like I am and we seem to share similar taste in film. I think this is derived from the fact we have a similar apreciation for the abject. (the film The Cell is an example of abject art) So in a sense we have similar tastes on art, film, and books. I told him about The Divinity Student. and because I referenced it as the most fucked up book I've ever read..he asked me if I had read House of Leaves, of course I said yes. Oh, but on friday he gave me an amazing Tarot reading. He hit on every major thought in my mind ..and if this diary you realize I usually have between 7-9 thought trains in my head at one time. (which he said was interesting because the human memory is supposed to not exceed 7...hence why a phone number is 7 digts long).

Side note 2: ..but this reading was insanely accurate! And what he did was inteprate the cards and then he would ask if what he was saying made sense...and I would say "yeah!" ...but I didn't give him any more insight...so he did all this cold...knowing very little about me....I mean he did the reading before we started talking about everything. Um...he said I have a major decision to make am currently trying to choose between 3 things. And I should actually choose and not drowned and let whatever happen. ....I'm trying to decided if I'm movie away from here in a month. I have to be out of my apt on the 18th and all the reasons I had for moving into my parents house seem to be dissolving. (no job, might not have a studio, haven't heard from the boy) Plus I'm trying to decided if I'm gonna go back to school and take education classes at Purdue. He also said that I'm in a position where I could have the opprotunity to sell my art (that was his guess...selling something I've made with my hands which he assumed was my art....he doesn't know about the rose show). He told me to not to under price it. Oh...and another thing, he told me that the thing that I am worried about is affecting me to much and it is keeping me from doing what I need to do. I should just let that situation be and worring about it will only make things worse...and I need to refocus and do what I know I should be doing instead ....meaning...stop worring about the Jeff situation and get in the studio because I have a week till the work for the Swope show is due. ...He also told me that one of my major obstacles will be coming back to haunt me. ...a situation that I have not resolved regarding a male that has had a strong influence in my life regarding who I have become as a person and who I've been working to become (this could be B, but I'm convinced it is Travis. ...I asked Paul if this means he will be coming back into my life....he said it could be it could also mean the memory of him as well). ...and somewhere around this point the came across the 10 of Swords. This is such an awful card...and I have been pulling it regularly since I got my deck. People usually associate death with the Death card...but that's not true. The Death card means rebirth...the 10 of Swords means death. Paul interprated the 10 as meaning that someone who is very importent to me...someone who has changed me and been very influencial in my life is going to die. ...he said that he suspected my parents ..but who ever it is, the situation is going to give me a major crisis of faith. (B says he's not die till he's 30...so I asked Paul if this meant it would happen soon....and he said not nessicariy...it's just an obstacle I will have to deal with. Then he referenced the male energy in my life, the male energy that has had the greatest influence on me....and I would assume this would be meaning parent...but the discripion of the card was B again (and that would make sense if the 10 was referencing a 'parent'). Then he read about the femine energy and said that the card if it was male would would signifiy alcholic (my dad is one) but since it was femine signified a woman who has a strange perception of material objects and actually has affected my life in a negative way. but I need to remember that this person has skeletons in their closet and there is a reason they are the way they are. ...now this could be my aunt Jill that I'm afraid I'm going to end up like ....but I have a feeling it is my mom....because my mom has a horrible concept of spending money on all the wrong things.....especially when she doesn't have to. The final card he read was the ulitmate out come of the situation...and it is usually something that most people don't want to hear,..don't like and don't want. he said that he sees me becoming a Teacher and a mother. ....straight up exactly what he said. ...I've been saying forever that I hate kids (I DO!) and I will never have any. ..but B has been telling me for awhile that he sees me married with kids by the time I'm 30...being the complete stereotypical suburbian house wife. ...and considering that I have been seriously thinking about becoming a teacher...moving into my grandmother's old house....which would be a perfect starter home if I got married and decided to stay in town and teach at my old high school.