If you love something let it go.

It's alittle phrase and everyone thinks they know what it means....

but I think that they've gotten it wrong.

Now this may just be sematics, but I believe people interprate "Let it go" to mean instead, "Let go of it". Like you are holding whatever it is so tight because you are afraid of losing it, that you eventually smother it, so you have to let go of it, and see if it comes back to you.

However, lately I've come to really understand the meaning of 'let it go'. That doesn't have mean you ever had to have pocession of it, or to have held on to it too tight (it could, but that's beside the point), I believe it also includes just being close to it, just close enough. Close enough to be there without being manipulative or pocessive, or controlling of it. Allowing 'it' to have it's freedom. ....and then having the courage to let it go. ....let it go...let it go where ever it wills, whenever it wills, for however long it wills, and then, let it have a life and an existance outside, away from you, still maintaining hope in its return.

and....if it comes back you will truly know that it was because of it's own will. It came back because it missed you. it came back because it couldn't get what you gave it anywhere else. It wanted you. It came back because it needed you.

yet, at what point to you let go of it? (the hope that is). Let go of the hope that it will one day come back. Let go of the hope that one day it will miss you, and want you, and need you again? Yes, it is quite easy to let go of something for it's own good, but how do you let go of something for you're own good? Force yourself to ache and morn its loss when that's the last thing on Earth you ever want to do?

Yes, I've master the act of letting him go, letting him go where ever he wills. When do I give up hope of his return? That's what I should do, right? yet there's a part of me that keeps telling me that it's not.

......and why did typing this entry make me feel so sad? is it because I let him go and he's never coming back and I know I should let go and can't bring myself to do it?

I seriously continplated talking to thechickwhoknowsT today. I mean, a very direct conversation. Something along the lines of:

"Hi ______ I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment about T______. I don't know if he has said anything to you about me, for good or for bad. But..whatever it is I just wanted to say that I miss him. I miss the conversations that I've had with him, I miss the friendship that I was under the impression that we had. Now, I'd like to talk with him, but I've gathered that because he hasn't made any attempt to get in contact with me, that he doesn't want to be in contact with me. I guess I'm asking you to confirm or disconfirm this sentiment. I should have asked you about this before but I was ashamed of how I might seem or of what you might tell him, but now I have decided that I really miss my friend, and you are my only link to him.