I swear the keg had X.
September 21, 2003 2:21 a.m.

So I'm back in the Haute again...thinking I might wake Marty up and have a beer. not just any beer "arrogant bastard ale". I was in the store looking for a nice red...and we bought it instead.

My 'relationship' with the NZ guy is getting kidna strange. I'm getting kinda worried that someone is gonna get hurt by it. I really think he has fallen for me much more than he would like to admit. For example a while back he told me that he was considering buying a house....and he was acting a bit strange. Now...if I'm correct he's in his 30's. (something that really doesn't bother me because he lives in freaking nz!) but....ya know....I was just getting this feeling that he was a bit down because he's how old and he's going to look for a house for himself (he's currently sharing a flat) alot of times people buy houses when they get married....sort of one of those right of passage type things. Now I'm not saying that only married people buy house, don't think I'm doggin' on single people...but I dunno...I guess I've always had this perception of the house and marriage going together.

Anyway...so here he is, in his 30's, single....and he has met the perfect girl. the problem is the girl he's in love with is on the otherside of the world and he will realistic never meet her in person.

Sad huh.

And the thing is....we are so sexually compatible! and He's Lawyer!! ..Well not yet...he'll have his law degree in about 4 years...but he will be working as a patent lawyer while he's getting the offical degree. ...I mean...I could move to nz, marry a lawyer, be fincially stable enough to focus my efforts on my art career, drink lots of coffee and red wine, eat well....have great nasty, dirty sex all the time. I mean...I think I could be happy. Ugh....but he's ugly as hell!!! and I mean...Mr. X who I keep referencing (haven't found the right thing to call him yet) ...when I say I'm not attracted to him...it's not because he's ugly...he's just not the physical type I usually go for (for one he's really really buff!!)) ....and part of me thinks I could over look that. Ugh....but shit.

Yeah...he made a comment to me tonight saying that as fun as it is maybe we would talk about more things than just what makes us horny .....And we do...but....wow....he really is the perfect dom for my sub.

Speaking of me being dirty, I was pretty naughty at the party last night (yeah I went to a party...it was an 80's theme and every one dressed full out! it was awesome!) But...yeah maybe it was because I was dressed up....so I wasn't really myself...but I just had this freedom do do what ever I wanted to who ever I wanted, when I wanted to do it. And it didn't mean I was attracted to the person. For example, J and this shirt on and it had a bondage chain hook on the front...so I told her what kind of mood I was in...and the just grabbed it and pulled. I was just in a mood to touch and hold people...like I was giving hugs to everyone all night. and that's not me..I don't do that kinda of thing..EVER I never touch anyone. ..it was like there was X in the keg or something. Later on I petted the nose of this other guy I've been kinda digging on for awhile (but it doesn't go past just diggin' and flirting) ...he has a great brow line ...reminds me of Matthew McConaughey. ...he's just really sexy and doesn't notice. I really wanted to grab him by his sid-ly tie and lic his neck ...though the situation didn't play out like I would have liked. ...I did grab it a few times and comment out his wearing it made me want to do dirty things. .....Oh and my evening concluded with my licking B on the forehead a few times. ...See I told him I had the desire just to lick the center of his forehead...and he told me to go ahead...so I did it...and then the told me that I didn't quite do it right ..or lick the right spot ..or something....so I did it again. And the thing is I have no regrets about doing any of those things. ...I mean ...I didn't have one of those wake up the morning after "oh my god why did I do that" moments. I remember all the details and don't regret a one.

Oh and I wonder about the guy who's nose I petted...he and I have been flirty for awhile and I can't for the life of me understand it. I just keep getting the feeling that he has a thing for me...even though he shouldn't ...I mean...he's one of those buff runner types. ....wait not type...he IS a buff runner. But...the hostess of the party was the girl that took most of those pictures of me. ...Any she was walking around with a polorid and she took a great picture of him...which I made it will know that I was stealing it. And She took a really really good one of me...I was walking around showin' it to everyone....and then it set it down on a table ..I think to give B a hug at then reached down to get it and it was gone....so someone took it.....my guess is it was him...which I don't really understand....but hey...it's really flattering.

anyway, this has gotten long...and the room as become social....so I gotta bail.