Reposting of the Original Jeff Letter
February 25, 2004 10:12 p.m.

my whole being horrible to Jeff the other night has been really bothering me all ever since. It and him are all that I seem to what to think about. I don't know if I'll be able to live with myself if I don't applogize. ....Yeah yeah, I know....it was the same defense Mechinism that cause me to ignore him...that made him blow off me. I know I shouldn't feel bad. I know he could have said something (but he has adimited that he is bad at confrontation. Maybe what he did was a step for him. I know I owe him nothing. but at the same time I can't help but think that just because he did that, and other people have...and would...and everyone else thinks I did the right thing,...I'd like to think I'm not that jaded or soulless. that is not acceptable behavior for me.

Anyway...I reread the first email he sent to me. I didn't go looking for it, it found its way to me. I'm posting it again. watch for raven notes.

Hello Raven,

How are you doing? I am well. I don't know what to write today, but i will think of something. I am glad we spent the night together talking. I enjoyed it immensely. (to this day I still second guess if we connected like I thought we did...and then I reread that....) well, why don't I tell you more about myself, since that is what got us talking in the first place. So here goes nothing....I was born and raised in Lafayette. I was baptized Catholic, and went to Catholic schools through High School. As you know, I grew up with John, but you don't know that I am the 3rd of 4 boys. The older ones are 29 & 27. They are Married in Lebanon, IN; and Unmarried in Nashville, TN, respectively. My younger brother is 17 mo. younger than I(21) and goes to IU. That is all about my family for now. Now about me personally. People have described me as.....cute, sweet, kind, giving, a gentleman(you), tall, thin, weird, and a dork. All of which i am grateful. I do want you to know that I am aware that I have flaws; many of them, but hey, i am supposed to be uplifting myself here right?! :) Anywho, I love people and enjoy animals (but they just aren't people). Here comes the broken thoughts. I like to play games, sports, do puzzles, sleep(always a good thing), play video games, have good conversations, sing, jump, scream and be merry. I have few friends, but many acquaintences. I trust people and care about them too easily, but once the trust is broken, i am hard to trust that person again.(I love the smell of Irony in the morning) I enjoy coffee, chocolate, ice cream, cookies, warm pasta, pizza, meat entrees, and life. I smoke as you know, but plan to put that on hold for a while to save money. I am calm and usually relaxed. I am slow to anger, but protective of those i care about. Do you know what? I think you are fun, I don't remember having just a good conversation in a long time. And I find it easy to talk to you.(again showing that that wasn't all in my head) (I know this sounds like there's a problem, but on the contrary) I think you are gorgeous, and I hope I am not misreading you. I think we should get together again. Go for some coffee and ice cream, play some putt-putt or bowling, or maybe just go talk. Life is good, and God is good. Both are reasons I am not afraid of saying these things. But now i have lost my train of thought. So i guess i will end this little email, or i meant for it to be little when i started. But first, here is my Vitals... ~CENSORED~ I would be honored and delighted to see you again, or even if I just get to talk to you again. Let me know what your thinking and I will react accordingly. Have fun, be safe, and enjoy yourself. God Bless.Oh, and smile for me,
Jeff

I read shit like that and it really makes me want to call him.