Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

It took him how long to say this?
January 10, 2004 4:16 a.m.

Related Reading

This conversation follows in its entirity. I think it speaks for itself. Oh, and if anyone can explain the last line to me, please do.

Jeff: sorry about last night, wasn't trying to play any games

Jeff: just was curious

Raven: you were being very vague.

Jeff: i know

Jeff: wanted more explaination than if i was specific

Raven: yes

Jeff: ...

Jeff: ok

Raven: when I wanted clarification......you just.....

Jeff: yeah, cause i think i was going places i wasn't sure if i should go

Raven: dare I ask how so.

Jeff: probably shouldn't

Jeff: i think i was just trying to find out if you wanted to hang out and fool around, like i said i probably shouldn't have been going in that direction

Raven: sort of gathered that, but was unsure of your intentions.

Jeff: yeah

Raven: I always tried to be direct and honest with you, and tried to avoid all games

Jeff: i know, i was just trying to be subtle, because bluntness in those situations isn't always best

Raven: I took that to be vague and cryptic

Raven: passive aggressive

Jeff: ahhh

Jeff: passive aggressive yes, vague, sort of, but not intentional

Jeff: do you want me to just say what i am thinking always, with little to no tact sometimes?

Raven: I suppose it depends on what it is.

Jeff: let's take the current subject as example

Raven: I think there's a bit of a difference between being blunt and being tact less.

Jeff: you do have a point

Raven: someone can be direct and still maintain tact

Jeff: right, i could say, do you want to come over and watch a movie, and enjoy the evening, or i could be tactless and say something like, do you want to come over and makeout

Raven: actually I don't see that as tactless, I see that as direct

Jeff: ahh

Raven: because first implys something entirely different than the second.

Jeff: i guess so

Raven: atleast in my mind

Jeff: what does the first imply to you(being curious again)

Raven: Well....It might be better if I put it this way. The second implys emotional deattchment.

Raven: ahhh

Jeff: ok

Raven: so what brought on this reemergance?

Jeff: don't like to stop talking on a bad note, and interested in hooking up with you just for fun

Raven: wow, what would that say about me if I took you up on that offer?

Jeff: i don't know, just depends on yourself, you would probably look at me as taking a turn for the worse since we dated, but currently, i don't care anymore

Raven: don't care anymore? about what?

Jeff: my sexual morals

Raven: how so?

Jeff: i mean i am still a virgin, and don't plan on having sex anytime soon, but i have no problem hooking up with a girl for just the sexual intimacy, contrary to what you may think, i didn't mean to have you think that i just used you

Raven: that is how I felt

Jeff: well i am sorry you felt that way

Jeff: i am

Raven: I don't think you understand how bad you hurt me.

Jeff: i think i do

Jeff: i had it happen to me a long time ago also, and i feel shitty about doing that to you

Raven: I mean, you well be forever the person I waited 23 years to kiss..........and I'll just be that girl you dated for a month last summer.

Raven: and I'm too good for that

Jeff: yeah you are

Raven: dare I ask for a reason?

Raven: cause I have been dumbfounded ever since

Jeff: you're not just "that girl" i understand that you waited that long intentionally, and i wish i hadn't taken that from you seeing what came of it, and you are a special girl, but you got attached to me, and i have been afraid of commitment for a while now, and it scared me away, and now, i don't want commitment in the least, i just want to experience some things(not all) and have a bit of fun

Jeff: i thought at that time that i could commit somewhere down the road, but i am not sure that i will ever be able to

Raven: I see, and you couldn't tell me that then?

Jeff: i was(and probably am) too...chicken/childish

Jeff: i don't like endings, just prefer to let things fade away

Jeff: though i guess they don't do that

Raven: no they don't

Raven: but I do appreciate your telling me now.

Jeff: i guess i should just be glad i didn't set you on a course like i am on

Raven: a course like you are?

Jeff: not ever ending things, not ever commiting, just being ... around

Raven: wow

Raven: you seem really upset.

Jeff: no, i guess i don't want to care about things anymore, but i can't go that far, cause i know better

Raven: interesting choice of words. what things? all things?

Jeff: basically

Raven: that makes me sad for you. (and I mean that, no sarcasam)

Jeff: i believe you

Jeff: but off of heavier things

Jeff: talking like this is causing a battle in me, and that's not what i want to be aware of cause it will cause me to do something about it. and i don't want to do anything for the moment, i just want to be lost for a bit

Raven: No Day But Today.

Raven: Anyway, I was about to say that I need to be getting to bed.

Raven: I care too much about everyone.....it's interesting to find the opposite.

Jeff: i care about others, just not myself

Raven: eh, does anyone really? I think deep down inside everyones a masochist, some of use are more up front about it than others.

Jeff: yes, i think some do

Jeff: i think that i could if i would allow it

Raven: then allow it

Jeff: maybe, we'll see

Jeff: thank you for letting God use you to help me

Ravenn: we'll see. ...anyway. I have work at 8.

mysstayken: awww