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| nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME --Wurdz by Otep Shamaya |
| The Illusion of Independance. July 31, 2002 5:36 p.m. Related Reading Lately I've been using the Fight Club quote, "the Illusion of safety", and it got me thinking about the concept of the Illusion of Independance. I have been existing in this illusion, delusion, for awhile. what really triggered this was the fact that I was in the bank today and I was still unsure how to deposit my pay check in my account. I wasn't sure how to fill out the slip, why? because most of the time my mom has done it. Because she used to be a banker, she has done all that stuff for me. And she will always say to me how I have not concept of finances. And you know maybe I don't. Really I don't. I also reminds me of the movie "you've got mail' when tom hanks is talking about how the beauty of Starbucks is how people with no decision making ablity can go in, and for $3 can make 4 decisions and get an absolute sense of self. Every day I do all this wonderfully independent things. I clean my apt. I decide what I want for dinner. I carry all the heavy things (not wanting to ask for help, especially from a boy). I go here, I do this, I dress and act and speak with desire to show my indepentant thought.I'll make a point to distance myself from my friends as a means to prove to myself that I can exist and be my own person without needing them around all the time. The desire that I'm around someone because I want to be, not because I NEED to be. but really, it's all an illusion. The Illusion of independance. I am horribly dependant and all of the above things are just there making me feel independant so I can forget how dependent I really am. I have no idea on earth what I would do if I had to entirely support myself. No idea. What do I do when I have to pay for my car insurance, my health insurance, all the little things that my parents have taken care of for me that I have no grasp of? I mean, the thing is that also of the things seem very small, like nothing to worry about, but then when they all pile up it becomes enormous and it frightens me because that day is approching fast. wow, I wonder why I have panic attacks. B suggested that I do more yoga, swim and read less screwed up books. |
Otep   |
| Me being overly analytical of Britney and Christina - July 31, 2008 - - Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. - July 24, 2008 Count Down with Keith Olbermann Special Comment - June 12, 2008 Reality Romances. - May 22, 2008 Layout by Raven Green |