drunken fun and only one regret.
October 05, 2003 11:00 p.m.

for one the day kinda started with my spending about $100 on myself. 2 pairs of shoes and a shirt. It was just a wonderful feeling to go into a store and see somethink kick ass and say I worked for these I can buy them.

I needed new leather shoes for winter because my primary winter shoes have just gotten holes in the top. Luckyly the shoes I got to replace those were on sale. ....the others weren't...but they are absolute fantastic! black 4-inch heeled MaryJanes! Wow. the fit so nice I just had to have them....and I can wear both pairs to work.

The shirt I got shows my boobs off wonderfully, so of course I wore it last night. And plans changed last night, the bars we were going to go to were packed so we all just stayed in and I taught them all Kings. ....which we are all had so much fun playing and we all got seriously stinking drunk. At one point we had to journey to a liquor store to buy more beer and took a walk though the bar just to see how packed it was. On the walk Mr. X and another of the guys were smoking cigars and side I should try it. I was reluctant at first but they said it wasn't like cigaettes because you don't inhale a cigar just taste it. ...so I starting sharing their cigars....alternating between the two of them. They said i was taking to it surprising well. When it got to the end it created this great burning sensation in my sinuses so the other guy said I should try the small ones because those give the burning feeling the whole time. and I did like those.

so yeah...once back at the house the same routined continued....more playing of Kings and me being a naughty tease. ....I was scratching Mr. X's back whenever I had the opprontunity.

I had so much fun last night (I might even say it was worth the horrible hangover I've been experiencing all day tonight.....and my laying on the bathroom floor for hours last night).

the only regret I have is not kissing Mr. X when the opprotunity presented itself.

We were down in the basement because the other guy previously mentioned was showing me that the house did infact have one. then at some point Mr. X came down and the other guy went back upstairs Mr. X and I had a nice little moment alone. ...They had these tents hanging from clothes lines and it created just a nice atmosphere. there was a moment right there whenI just wanted to lean in and kiss him. But my rational mind kept me from doing it...telling me that it was a bad idea and that was a bridge I wasn't sure I wanted to cross. blah bla blah bla blah. It wasn't till later when I was thinking that I had no regrets about the night, when my favorite line from RENT popped into my head. "There's now, there's only here, give in to love or live in fear". And that's when I started to regret not doing it. because it was fear that kept me from doing it. But who knows...maybe if I kissed him we might have made out....and then it might have been awkward for us everytime after that and then I would have lost the friend.

ugh why does it have to be so hard.