Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

I'm a giddy girl
May 02, 2002 2:06 p.m.

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Okay, so last night was a pretty good night. As I hve previously mentioned, a friend of mine is in a band with these 2 other guys that I know, and I have a crush on one of them. I think I gave him the initials BR He's also known as "the guy I sing Inside Out with). Basicly last night was the first time I had really been in close context with him since I got drunk and told his housemate (the other guy in the band) that I have a crush on him.

At first thing seemed a bit odd. I would say something to him and he seemed to be ingoring me,...and I was like..uh..okay, whatever....

But afterwards after they were all packed up we were all (big group of us, 9 of us or so) were just hanging around outside, and he started flirting with my major! confused the hell out of me.

For one he kept hidding behind me, or standing by me. and the I guess he smelled something that he thought smelled good. He thought it was me,so he smelled my head, and then a few other people..and came to the decision that it was me, so he basicly stood there for a long while just smelling my hair. (my guess it was a combination with the scent of my shampoo and the Candies that I sprayed in it.

Then he was inthralled with my soft scarf. kept petting it. After that he entertain himself by playing with my purse, asking about all the little reviets on it were. ....And then my belt! Um..another time he was standing behind me and was trying to balance his cup on my head, and when it wasn't working he started feeling my head,and determained that I have a very round head.

But the hair thing was the highlight, I mean Imagine this person whom your slightly crushing on, standing right next to you with their face pressed into your hair....and leaving it there for a good while. and commenting on how good you smell. Gosh I'm am a pathetic girl. Oh, and the thing is I'll see him again tonight, but he's going to be gone all summer, he and his foremented housemate are working at a camp all summer....So it's not like anything will come of this, I'm a realistic girl, but it's nice to have giddy girl moments from time to time. And it's been awhile. The last real one I had was September 20, 2001.

I also was hit on by these 2 other really creepy guys, both of which I tried to ignore, ....one of them I wanted to stab between the eyes.

Okay, so I'm going to start packing to move out. I'm leaving here on Saturday, but I'm moving everything out on Friday, I'm assuming my dad with take my computer. I might leave it in storage, or I might not, but I'm not expecting to have access to the internet before I move back here around the 12.

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Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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