Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Making sense and making plans
October 28, 2003 12:56 a.m.

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Call me a masochist ....cause I'm a big one, and we all know this.

I have half a mind to call up Jeff and say, "How 'bout we go out somewhere were and I buy you a cup of coffee and let you applogize to me properly".

Yeah Yeah....that's my bitterness getting the bet of me.

Actually realistic I was kinda thinking about calling him up (sometime next week) and seeing if he wanted to go see the Matrix with me....because honestly I can't go see that with anyone else. I can't think of that series without thinking of him. But....I bet he'd rather see in for the first time with his friends ....not the girl he kinda fucked over.

And ya know. Call me lame but I've also thought about going as simple as just calling him. ...just calling him,...having no real motive for the call. not mentally prepared conversation. ...well aside from saying, "yeah I've been thinking alot about what you said and wanted to call you even though I really don't know what to say".

But then....I debate about calling him for 3 months and I never did it. Maybe I can be smart and do that.

And what's fucked up is that I can only think of him at his best or worst.

and it's more like the good memories are trying to brainwash my logical side. My mind keeps flooding my head with good memories as if it's trying to convince logical mind that he's not an asshole. And he IS......ugh I just don't think he is though. I mean....I can't associate the guy who when I commented about my hair being a mess (because I had been making out with him for awhile) grabbed me and kissed me hard good length of time and said "It doesn't matter". I mean...that was the last thing he said directly to me. ..the last thing he said to me when we were alone.

Gee....we can see how well the Raven is doing in figuring out this whole situation.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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