Brillent analyzation of a beautiful fantasy
April 09, 2003 4:16 a.m.

Point being, this fantasy involves all three and writing it in the other one would make this dirty and while it is absolutely disturbing,...I find it so beautiful. ...Disturbing because the action, disturbing because of the person.

.........

B and I had another one of our beautifully intimate nights We started off watching a movie and then at some point we ended up pausing the movie for some reason and turning the light on and just started talking...only he did most of the talking, in a rather quiet, unguarded manner. He eventually told me the details of several times in his life he has experienced great physical pain, for example the times when he was a child and was horribly sun burned,...to the details the surrounded this horrible knee accident resulting in several reconstructive surgeries. It was just a beautifully intimate evening and we hadn't had that one so exstensive in awhile.

Anyway, that is beside the point...It's what led to that discussion which also caused my fantasy. We were discussing how earlier in the evening he and caused his finger to bleed and how he enjoyed the slight of blood,..and then we discussed blood and pain for a bit. How he has injested it, how he can differenciate between his blood and that of someone elses. how he thinks blood is just so sexy. I asked him why and he said maybe it was the knowing that that is what is keeping you alive.

without falling into cliches of whips and what not....I have to admit that I have come to really enjoy the feeling of pain around the time of orgasam. It's kinda like when you reach a point where every sexually inclined nerve of your body is being stimulated....and by stimulating other nerves in an entirely different manner....meaning some kinda of pain (usually caused by scratching my nails across my skin....relativly hard sometimes leaving distint marks. I have never actually physically hurt myself in any way other than this. I am not a cutter.) gives me so much pleasure, it's hard to discribe.

So I had this fantasy. I am laying on a bed naked, on my stomach in a dark room. and B is sitting behind me...next to me...or something like that...I can't quite see that part. I can't tell if he's naked or merely shirt less. .....But as I lie there entirely calm...relaxed, he leans in and with some sort of knife and he begins making a slow, gentle, cut from the base of my neck all the way down to about the end of my spine. ...Just one long, smooth, fluid cut. a long line running the full length of my back. And then once he has fininshes he leans in and licks the full length of the cut.

I know that is a relatively short fantasy,...but I find it so beautiful and fasinating,..intriguing. I personally find it more an expression of intimacy and trust rather than an expression sexuality. The idea of my lying there in the most possible submissive position,...willingly...It's one thing to have someone tie you up....that's a forced submission (which I personally think I would enjoy being on both ends of) But the idea of completely and willingly submitting to someone in such a manner...the trust that would require, the lying there softly and allowing the person to cut you and then the idea that they are taking your life into their body, willingly consuming your life. I mean we live in an age where oral sex is so common and people no longer assocate those fluids with the person....or with life, merely the result of a job well down..with a weird taste that you put up with because you have to....no this is almost ritualistic. A ritualistic act of intimacy, trust, and love, on both sides. ...The giving of your life to the other person, he is taking my life into his and I am willing giving it to him.