Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

New Job Confusion
August 17, 2004 10:41 a.m.

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Okay so I got a job, actually I've 'had' it for about a week now, but I don't start my training for it until tomorrow.

but....it's a complete and utter shit job. ...I really, shit job. But...it's money and I really need it. ("Working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need"). ...I really need to watch Fight Club and Office Space to make myself feel better about not having an office job. (actually I'm planning on still sending resumes out.) I mean, really I never paid my dues working a shit job.

I'll be working afternoons and evenings in a gas station, though it's a nice gas station. yeah I know how it sounds, but I'll be making 7.50 and hour...and given what kind of job it is...I think that's pretty good. Plus after 6 months I'll get full benefits, I mean Live, Health, Dental, 401K...and $100 a year towards a health club membership. And since I'll be working afternoons and evenings, apparently the place is dead between 6pm-10pm. ...so the last 4 hours of my shift won't be that bad. Plus they apparently have a good managerial program, so I'm thinking I can get some more experience under my belt, specifically customer service, then I can go somewhere else more fitting my talents.

And hopefully with working these hours I'll be wide awake and motivated during prime painting hours.

And the thing is, not only do I have mixed emotions about the situation, I have people fueling both sides of the issue.

Becky works her self-proclaimed Slacker job, a short-order cook/snack bar attendant for a bowling alley, she's worked it for years (granted she's still in college) and she was telling me that whatever job you are doing, if it's not what's truly in your heart than you are just working to fill time...and it doesn't matter what you do.

My parents on the other and keep making me feel bad....like it's this big disappointment....and It's like gee I've been trying to find a nice safe comfortable office job for the past 4 months, applying everywhere, and interviewing and not finding anything....and now I just need anything.

but we will see how things go within the next week....we'll see how training goes and working and what not.

We shall see.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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