Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Will the End Justify the Means?
March 14, 2004 6:34 p.m.

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Will the end justify the means?

I'm using my feeling tired and lithartic as a means to not answer that question. or rather....with my tired and lithargic behavior I'm saying "No, Raven. The End does NOT justify the means.

The idiot has been infecting my mind since that party. ugh, it's like his purpose in life is to hurt me. He's not even physically around and all I can think about is him. I've had this horrible desire to call him. ..and not because I want to but because I can. And do I not want to because I'm afraid? or do I want to because I'm lonely and want someone, and he seems like the only person I can call?

I spent friday night exstreme cleaning my apartment. I mean it was perfect, everything was shining. .....everything was just waiting for me to call him, and the whole time I had it in the back of my mind that I would. the whole cleaning thing served 2 purposes I guess. Were I to call him.....the place would be impressive. ...but it also proved as distraction from actually making the call.

Oh and he just keeps popping up in random. thursday, I think, I got asked about him by too completely random people, a chick at curves and one of my guy friends..."hey Raven, are you still seeing that guy?"

that...or I run into people or my friends run into people who are friend with him. Like The Wabash guy (remember him? this the psycho I dated twice that liked to scream at thin air) ...I think he was in my coffee house last night and this afternoon when I was there (he's a member of that circle of friends). My friend X ran into John (Jeff's bestfriend) at work the other day. ...or I pick up the news paper and there's an article about the store his parents own in the news paper...

So if I was less tired and lithargic I could pick up a few things, clean my kitchen and be inclined to call him. ...And I am actually inclined to call, (unlike before when I really just didn't want to call) but....again, to tired to do the needed cleaning.

But....say I call him,...and I manage somehow to talk to him, and I invite him over....and he does come over...and we watch a movie or something and then he leaves, what would that have accomplished? not like he'd call again.....all he wants from me is what he can take from me. And everything he gives he takes and leaves me more empty than before. Atleast that what I'm pretty sure will happen. So what kind of an end is that? Sure,...I'll be less lonely for the time being but....

No....logicly speaking, the end will not justify the means.

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Zeldman

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