Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Today in Drawing class
October 04, 2001 1:18 a.m.

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So there is this really nice chick in my drawing class. She's a year ahead of me and I LOVE her work. She's also a 'freak' type. Hair hair is always a different color,...well,..usually black with red, or green, or blond tips. And she usually wears very punk goth clothes.

Again, I think she is very cool. Very nice. She is very quiet, and I was talking with my roomie about her,..and she used a great word, Gentle. She does,...if you get to know her alittle, she seems very gentle. I mean, she's very tall and stocky, and looks like she could really kick your ass if you crossed her....But...again, I really like her, and I don't even know her very well.

Anyway, the point, I was sitting in drawing class and I saw something about her that frightned me. This didn't make me frightened OF her, but FOR her. I noted she was wearing a short sleve shirt today...and on her arm I noticed maybe at least 6 old scars from where, I imagine, she cut herself.

Now, I have the lowest pain tolerance on Earth, thus the idea of actually inflicting physical harm on to myself is very foreign<--sp? to me. Oh, but don't get me wrong, I'm not judging! No....I really feel for her. I've talked with my roomie about this a few times actually. The idea of hurting so bad emotionally that you need to hurt yourself physically. I can't imagine and I feel for the people who do this so much. my roomie also talked about how it becomes and addiction.

Again,....I just wanted to walk up and hug her and let her know that, even though I don't know her well, she does matter. There are people who care.

But, I didn't. I didn't feel it was my place. I'll just continue being friendly, with out being overally friendly, and hope that makes a difference. Maybe one day I'll know her better.

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Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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