nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

What is it like to date someone?
February 01, 2004 12:59 a.m.


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I really need to stop hanging out with Mr. X and his woman. I know I say this all the time, and never seem to learn, but it's true. All hanging out with them does is make me pissed off about this whole single crap.

Honestly.

I hate going over there and watching a movie and being in the room with them cuddling. and they weren't especially bad about it night, but all that does is serve as a reminder of what I want. I really don't want much.

Jeff's online right now, and I know that he doesn't deserve to touch me ever again (and I'm NOT proposing that option) but I feel like messaging him and asking him what kind of commitment he thought I was wanting or expecting. I'm not looking for a ring. I know all my actions might appear otherwise. but really, all I want is a nice guy (whom I'm attracted to) to have fun with. and when I say fun I'm not just referencing making out...though I would like that to be a part of it, I want a just to hang out with. Cuddle on a couch watching movies, go get coffee and talk about film, or religion, or life. ...go bowling or this or that. I want a guy to call my boyfriend, but nothing more serious than that. I just want to enjoy dating someone for awhile and that's all. I am not looking for a ring. Why would I want that? Why would I want to commit my life to the only person I've ever dated? I don't want some huge monster commitment.....all I want is to know what it's like to date someone simply because I never have.


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