choose your own adventure
December 28, 2005 4:15 p.m.

instead I will type the serious one that has been forming in my little brain.

First, I need to state for the record that I did especially awful on my GRE. I'm seriously considering the possibility that I might be dyslexic. But really, I can't tell you why I did so poorly because I just don't understand. I prepared like mad for that verbal section. There really don't think I could have prepared much more. Given my time constraints I really hit the vocab studies hard and the other things took a back seat. ...but I did half way decent on my math. I would have been impressed if my score was higher than it was. (I am Not a math person) ..I honestly don't know how I could have prepared more for my verbal (with the exception of having more time and just reading more and more books, maybe even just reading and studying the dictionary) and that's why it is so mind boggling that I failed so miserably .

And the thing is now......I feel like my life has become one of those Choose your own adventure books.

Do You:

A: Move back to the home town and work in your mom's office
B: Stay in the college town, find a job.
C. Move to home town and find a shitty job.

I chose A.

I'm sorry, the company has lost a big account, your story as come to an end.

And whenever you die you always go back to you're last choice and pick again, so this time I'll try C.

You are now working a shitty job you hate.

Do you:

A. Try and find another job.
B. Attempt of find work as an artist.
C. Attempt to go to Grad school.

You chose to find another job.

Do you:

A attempt to find another office job
B attempt education for a trade profession.

You chose to attempt to find an office job. I'm sorry because you have an Art degree no one wants to hire you to work in a conservative office. You are too much of a creative free thinker, and will leave them if a position in the arts becomes available. I'm sorry, an office job is not an option for you. You're story has ended here.

You chose to attempt education in a trade field.

You want to become a massage therapist, but there are no such schools in your remote area. Your story ends here.

You attempt to find work as in artist.

After spending many hours working on new projects and many hours putting together show proposals you are turned down by the one gallery where you hoped to show. ...you are distracted by other things and this story line ends in To Be Continued......

You choose to go to grad school

After deciding upon a school and a program you study intensely for 2 months. spending ample amounts of money on books and studying materials and 100+ for the exam itself, you fail to achieve the needed scores for the program you were interested, or scores good enough for any school.

Do you:

A. Start focusing more on art and try and find a local gig.
B. Look into getting an MFA, hoping that art program won't care about GRE scores.
C. try and find another shitty job where the employees are a little more educated and the customers less ignorant, taking a dramatic pay cut and losing benefits.
D. Take a momentary Break, regroup, look for new schools and prepare to retake the test.

Quite honestly, I don't know what I'm doing yet. Maybe I'll start something new in the year to come. It's frustrating to work so hard and have to wind knocked out yet again. But I've been an underdog my whole life. I've had to scrape and claw for ever step of achievement I have made. I refuse to settle for what I have. I will better my situation Goddamnit!