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| nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME --Wurdz by Otep Shamaya |
 cuddle and tell.May 24, 2003 2:48 a.m. Related Reading Wow, I've told so many people about this and told this story a million times that it is hard to motivate myself to type it but I know I'll want to have it for future personal reference. Yes I did respond to the Christian guy's email....but I did so by calling him. In fact I did it the very day I got it. After a bit of phone conversation....(he was saying that his housemates were making hamburger helper...I mentioned that I like hamburger helper, he suggested I come over sometime when they make it....I asked him what he was doing for the rest of the night...if he was just chillin'. ...He said "yeah, basicly" then I asked him what he would think if I ended up coming back to town that night, and he basicly said he'd like that,......So I did. Drove back to town and went to his house. We ended up going out for coffee and then to a park for a bit of play...swings and monkey bars and slides and the like. Then we went for a walk over the bridge and around downtown. We mainly ended up just driving around alot and talking and listening to music. Then we went back to his house and watched Gone in Sixty Seconds (I love Angelina and I needed something with little plot and lots of action to keep me awake....I even yelled at the movie during those moments when it was trying to have too much plot.) Hate to be a cuddle and tell but there was a bit of that. It was nice to have his arms around me and a bit of hand holding. (He does know the nature of my inexperience level and honestly I usually feel ashamed for a guy to know I've never been kissed but I think he is very receptive and respectful and really apreciative of it. The subject came up and I asked him how much he knew about me in regards to that subject and he said more than he wanted to let on and then he stated the previous and I concured and then he said that he always asks premission first anyway. ....How beautiful is that. He's such a beautiful person and I hadn't thought about it before, but that's what I want. I want my first kiss to go to someone who asks premission first, that way I don't feel pressured because if someone asks and I say no he will entirely understand. Then the next night (last night) I (upon his invitation) ended up meeting his and my friends at a bar, he left a message on my parent's machine seeing if I was still up for going out and so when I called his place they had already left but the housemate that I spoke to said that he that that Jeff would be really glad if I showed up...so like I said I met them at the bar and I had just so much fun. And he was just so absolutely sexy. and I don't think he realizes it....I mean he's not hot, but he's very attractive and just so goddamn sexy! He has this very pronounced brow and these deep blue eyes and as cliche as it might sound but when he looks at me he penitrates all the way to my soul. I mean all he has to do is look at me and wow I can't think of anything but how ...just mmmmmmm he is! and I am just so comfortable being vulnerable around him. One thing that I really like about this situation, and I don't know if it's normal or not but I think there is a conscience attempt to not play games with one another. We are pretty much saying directly what we are thinking. ...For example on the phone I told him that I was convinced I was going to hear from him ever again. To which he responded that he had actually been concerned that he had given me that impression because he has a tendency to downplay things. He's going to Tn. with his family for 5 days but he said he'd call me when he gets back. kinda makes me sad because I'll be heading back down for class soon so the time I'm going to get to see him is very limited. I don't want to get to ahead of the situation but I think this is the beginning of something nice and I can't wait till he gets back. |
Otep   |
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