Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

Cryptic Passive Agressve Bullshit.
January 09, 2004 1:21 a.m.

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Some how though the the far reaching cosmic forces of intuition the idiot one some how knew I was moving on (what with deleting his number and asking someone out).

So the bitch decided to message me last night.

Cowardly-passive aggressive-fucker!

He was a bit more 'direct' than usually...he actually did work up the nerve to ask me if I was dating anyone (no). And the thing was most of his questions where these broad, vague, cryptic, almost antagonizing, brief sentances. So our conversation consisted of things like:

(note C just messaged me and I'm telling the story to her...so this entry will follow now in aim form)

mysstayken: for example....he asked if I was dating anyone, I said no. He asked if I was looking. ......Now if I were to say, "no" then that looks like I'm pining. And I say yes then that means I'm looking and not getting anywhere....which again doesn't look good for me.

mage: must have been a scene. what were some of the questions?

mysstayken: ....so I told him I was always on the look for new options.

mysstayken: yeah I was flipping off the monitor repeatedly.

mysstayken: when the message first popped up I just yelled "ROT IN HELL!!!"

mage: heheheheheeee.

mysstayken: then at one point he asked if he was still my only, quote, "Sensual experience". ...and I said yes....and then he said something like "Are you looking to broaden your horizons are you waiting for someone special again".

mage: like that's his business

mysstayken: yeah we were saying "what do you care" "why do you care" alot to the monitor.

mysstayken: But...I took that has an opportunity to jab him ...saying "It was special to you? because your actions would indicate otherwise".
mage: burn.

mysstayken: (your aim would suggest otherwise)

mage: ("i did not see you")
mysstayken: But.....um...he said something like he didn't mean it like that. ...And then I think after that he asked something like "How are you doing with everything". .....I mean what the hell kind of question is that!?!?!? ....Everything. .....that's a pretty broad specturm. .....I mean does him me (and I'm sure he did but that's irrelavent) with the situation regarding him, or maybe my life in general. I mean don't ask "how are you doing with everything?"

mysstayken: so then that time I answer the question with the question.....I sent back "with everything?"

mysstayken: and he responded with:

mysstayken: nevermind.

mysstayken: What the mother fuck!!!!!! That really sent me over the edge. Don't contact me out of the blue asking me all these cryptic question and say 'nevermind' when I ask for clarification.

mage: you think he'll message you again?

mysstayken: so my response to that was "Riiight way to speak your mind. I'm tired of playing games. I have to work tomorrow. Contact me again when you've grown some balls".

mysstayken: and then I signed off.

mage: seriously. if he was going to message you out of nowhere, then he should have asked a direct question he shouldn't be so damn vague
mysstayken: Exactly.
mysstayken: And I mean.....I'm weak and lame enough that if he had said, dating anyone (no) looking? (I'm always open to new options), Well if you ever want to out with me again sometime, I'd like to take you" ........I'd surely be a push over. ...ya know....Hey I'm sorry....you want to come over again and watch a movie? .....hey I'm sorry....let me buy you some coffee and we can start over ....,.....Any of that I would totally be a push over.

mysstayken: But this cryptic passive aggressive bullshit.

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Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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