Raven in Green again..

nothings changed the senates still corrupt & the emporer remains insane, and every day, is a new strain of slaughter, supply lines are less protected, evil on all sides, eye can smell the death on your flesh--creeping in, trapped within the twisting fingers of fear, and all eye see is ewe, that face, those eyes, burning like leprosy, eye can see u there poisoning the air, prostituing Nationalism, and eye want to attack, to rip out your heart and lay you flat on your back, and vomit a world of agony and truth into your throbbing illness of memory...and hate guides our way, eye long for the icy slap of a belt across my back, for the acceptance of death and blind cave war, the giving sleep of depression, the sweet elucidation of savage meaningless agression, chiseled in the meaty forearms of Mother Jupiter and his slave disciples, in the harem tents--outside, just beyond the edges--eye ride, a cycoptic mare in the fires of imagination. feeding my disease, a river of plagues, eye need something to remind me I'm still sinning that pain is important, that wurdz matter, that healing is possible, that eye am not alone ...in this --guard the houses--triple the watch,--Maidens, dig up your sorcery --sirens, sharpen your rocks..ewe will eat my pain again. whatever you need unite messiah ME

--Wurdz by Otep Shamaya

To Sleep or Not to sleep.
February 17, 2003 11:48 a.m.

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So I'm sure I've written something like this before...but I don't care.

Remember in American Beauty when Lester points out himself jerking off in the shower and says that that is the hightlight of his day, and that it's all down hill from there? Well I know what that feels like.....except for the jerking off in the shower part.

So often the best part of my day is when I lay in bed not wanting to get up.

Weekends I spend hours and hours just curled up in bed daydreaming...refusing to get up. Sleeping is the most enjoyable part of my day,..and yet I don't do it that often. I'm such a night owl that I can't stand to go to bed before 12. I can't help it. ...Usually I go to bed around 3-3:30-4am...last night it was 3. ..and then I get up around 10am. because I have to go to class.

I think my extreme nocturnal nature is sometimes related to depression...being so depressed I'm unable to sleep. That happens.

Oh..and on the weekends it's charactoristic of me to sleep atleast 12 hours. I read this entry and it was nice to know I'm not the only one who sleeps this much. ...I'll go to bed 3-4am (this weekend it was 5-6:30am ish) and I'll sleep till like 4pm or later. Saturday night I was just so depressed I was up just watching movies. I watch my From Hell dvd...started it around 4. I new I should go to bed....but I just didn't feel like it.

Anyway...I'm starving and Marty's gonna be here so to go to lunch...I'll stop being negative.

random crap to whine about.
February 17, 2003 11:22 a.m.

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Marty is on alert.

I got my Labret pierced the other day, have mixed emotions. Looks gorgeous, but is more annoying that I thought it would be. ....The simplest things are so hard to do...like eating...or brushing my teeth. ...when I eat the back of the jewelry gets caught on my teeth. ..B invited me over for chili dogs last night...I was Floored by how difficult it was for me to open my mouth wide enough to put the dog in...without getting the jewelry caught. I've linked it to eating with a lose tooth. I'm not sure how long I have to have the long bar.

I also have this strange pain in my chest since last night. ..It's like a sore muscle...but I have no idea where it came from.

Still need to email my aunt about the Bicillian and my mood swings.

Past

Present

Coffee

Zeldman

Otep

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